Trusting yourself and your intuition with Sarah Small

Ep. 131 Trusting Yourself + Your Intuition

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In this episode, we discuss:

  • Stories of doubting intuition
  • Learning to trust ourselves again
  • Sharing content from the empath community about COVID-19
  • So many of you felt this before it was here
  • Reasons to listen to your intuition again
  • Healing your relationship to intuition
  • What happened to Sarah in the lead up to quarantine

Additional Resources:

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BOOK: 21 Days of Healing

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Episode Transcript:

Welcome to the Uncensored Empath, a place for us to discuss highly sensitives energy, illness, healing, and transformation. My name is Sarah Small and I’m a life and success coach for empaths who want to create a thriving body, business, and life. Think of this podcast as your no-BS guide to navigating life, health, and entrepreneurship. You’ll get straight to the point, totally holistic tips from me in real-time as I navigate this healing and growth journey right beside you. This is a Soul Fire production.

Stories of doubting intuition

Welcome. The vibe of today’s episode is a little bit different and the content is mostly sourced from all of you. I am super excited to be sharing a lot of the comments that were shared with me in my Facebook group, and I asked a pretty simple question to the community a couple of weeks ago when quarantine first started, all the stay at home orders first began, and I asked. I said, empaths of the world, who had any sort of intuitive feeling, nudge, an inkling that this was on the horizon? Did you trust it? Did you ignore it? What did that look like for you? What did it mean for you at the time, and what does it mean to you now? And so many people responded. I mean, it’s insane. I had the inspiration to ask the empath community because of my own feelings and my own situation of what was going on in my life leading right up to all this, and I just thought, you know what? I’m going to ask, does anyone else feel like they felt this coming on? And I’ll share my story with you guys on today’s show, but I am not alone. There were so many people who are just really tapped into what was going on, most of them I think without knowing it.

Learning to trust ourselves again

Which brings me to the basis, the main message or learning that we can all take away from what I’m about to share with you is that our intuition is stronger than we fucking think, and can we learn to trust ourselves again? How many freaking times have you doubted your intuition or judged or compared your intuitive abilities to somebody else’s and thought, well, I’m not as psychic as her. Well, I don’t receive intuitive downloads as clear as she does or he does, and so we think that whatever messages, feelings, signs, symbols, dreams that you have in your life just don’t matter, or they’re not important enough or they’re not clear enough, and likely that’s also showing up in a limiting belief about your life as a whole. Where we show up in one area is how we show up everywhere in our life, and all these different areas of our life are related or they’re all interconnected. So ask yourself if you doubt your intuition or if you think your intuition is not good enough, are you also doubting yourself in other areas of your life? Are you thinking you’re not good enough in other areas of your life? How are these limiting beliefs mirrored and reflected off of different buckets of our life as a whole?

My hope for you is that after hearing this and considering your own feeling, your own intuition, that you might lean into a deeper state of trust with it, to befriend it or makeup with it if you’ve pushed it away or had an argument with it. Especially if in the past maybe it’s shown you something you didn’t really want to see. We’re like, oh wait, no, never mind. I don’t want to be tapped into my intuition. I don’t want to receive messages that don’t abide by what I desire. Sometimes intuition does show us the shadow. The shadow is not evil. It’s not bad. It’s not fear-based. It’s not scary. It’s just not always what we think we want or what we think is best for us. That is the ego that’s trying to control every damn thing in our life when the reality is we don’t have fucking control. Control is an illusion.

What we do have control over is simply, am I going to trust my intuition or am I not? And there are many, many times where I have not trusted my intuition, especially in the first 25 years of my life. I’ve shared this story on social media before, and I had an IUD for probably about a year and a half and it was the copper IUD. I thought that was the best choice I could make to prevent pregnancy, protect myself and not put hormones into my body after being on the pill for all of my teenage years, and my intuition just kept telling me Sarah, this doesn’t feel right. There’s something off here. I started to notice symptoms in my day to day life. I just don’t feel as creative. I don’t feel like a strong of a sex drive anymore. I’m having trouble receiving in my life. All these things really related to the sacral chakra, a little bit of root chakra too. I didn’t feel super safe for numerous reasons and my body just kept saying, get this out, get this out, get this out. And I heard it and I heard it and I heard it and I just kept yelling back at it like, you’re so fucking annoying. What else am I supposed to do? I think this is the best thing for me. I don’t want to go back on hormonal birth control. What other options are there? And of course, there are other options. I just didn’t see them. And so I pushed that intuitive voice away, away, away until eventually that Intuit intuitive voice was just so loud and it was now being reflected back to me by the coach I was working with at the time. She said, I’m not trying to pressure you. This is all body autonomy. You choose your choice, but have you considered taking that out? I was like, yes. Yes, but what am I going to do without it? And that was when I really opened up to fertility awareness method and more natural family planning and tracking your cycles and just all the resources that really were there for me. And I went into a OB/GYN’s office and I said, take her out, baby. And they’re like, Oh well w what are you going to do? What will you do without this? We can prescribe you the pill. Do you want the pill? I was like, no thank you. I pass. And they’re like, well, are you having sex? Yes. But you just said you don’t want a family yet. Correct. I mean, we’ll take it out for you, but you know, I would really recommend you go on the pill. No, thank you. So they went in and they took it out and she looked at me in the eyes as she was also looking down at my Yoni, my lady parts. She was like, we wouldn’t have been able to keep this in even if you wanted us to keep this in today. Your body pushed it out. It’s already halfway out. It’s expelling itself from your body. Your body clearly does not want this inside it anymore. It’s like, yeah, I know. My intuition has been telling me that for a while. I didn’t feel it coming out, which is crazy, but I ignored the intuition, so I got it out that day. It was a huge, huge sigh of relief. Oh my God. I felt so proud of my body for naturally trying to rid this thing out of it. And I felt proud of myself for finally listening to my intuition, even though I hadn’t for so long. And then I went home and I just cried. It just felt so much more connected to myself. I started receiving more in my business. I started getting more creative ideas. My sex drive started coming back and I had this lesson underneath all that woven into the threads. Wow. Sarah, you really didn’t trust yourself. Really, really questioned whether your intuition was telling you the right thing to do. I didn’t trust that if I took that out there would be other ways, that I would find resources, that new teachers around fertility and fertility awareness I would trust that they would pop up into my life and I would find those resources.

And not trusting your intuition creates a lot of unnecessary pain. I certainly felt that unnecessary pain. I’ve had other instances of not trusting my intuition. In this case, there’s not a lot that I really could have done differently, but I had this recurring dream almost my whole life of my brother and I playing in the backyard at my mom’s house and we were both much younger, so I would continue to have this dream as I got older, but I would see myself as the younger version of me and we were pretty little. He was probably five and I might’ve been seven. We were a little under two years apart and every time in this dream we would be running around the house and there was a bad guy, some guy coming in trying to hurt us and he would come in through the front door. And so I’d say run, run, run and we’d run out the back door, which went into the attached garage. And as we ran out into the back door to try to get away from this bad guy in my dream, this guy would stab my brother with a knife in the back every single time we ran out of the house in the garage.

And it was this, of course, terrifying dream when I was little. I started to get used to it sort of being there and I never told anyone about it. It was just a bad dream. And I thought I would always wake up so rattled and just like, Oh my God, Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God, my brother’s hurt. We need to find him help. I didn’t know what to do with that information and I’m not saying there’s really much else I could have done, but I never really saw anything that happened in my dreams as having any meaning other than, wow, that was really scary. Can I just move on and get away from it? Or not all my dreams are bad. Sometimes there’s good dreams or weird dreams, or there’s signs or symbols in my dreams. For a period of time I was having sleep paralysis and dreams where I would be stuck, paralyzed and our intuition speaks us through our dreams as well. But do we trust? Do we trust our intuition? Do we trust that there’s something to be cleared, healed, understood on a deeper level in our dreams when we experience them?

What ended up happening and again, I don’t feel there’s anything I could have done to change this, but my brother ended up dying in that garage – many years later – but he died in that garage. When I had that realization, I was like, Oh fuck. Intuition was somehow showing me this, not, I mean, he was not stabbed in the garage, but there was just something very eerie yet interesting about it. I thought, wow, what if I just took more note of my intuition and what my dreams were telling me and what was coming up for me in my life? Would I be able to make wiser choices, more informed decisions? What would that look like? I mean, it’s as simple as food. I’ve not trusted my intuition around food plenty of times. My intuition says I want this and it could be anything. It doesn’t have to be just the “healthy” food, and then I eat something else and then I usually regret it, or I’m not fully satisfied or I have a stomach ache or I get bloated or whatever it is, or I’m eating food that my intuition’s going, ‘maybe not the best for you, Sarah, and then three months later I realize that that food is creating breakouts or inflammation, or I do the Viome, microbiome testing that shows you different inflammatory levels and markers related on each food, and then that food shows up as highly inflammatory for me. I’m like, Oh yeah, my body has been telling me that. Why am I not listening to it? Why do we not listen to our damn intuition?

Look, it’s easy to stay comfortable and abide by societal norms, but there’s so much to be learned and gained and we can make wiser, more informed decisions if we listen to our damn intuition. So I just want to go through and I want to read some of these women’s comments. I’m going to leave them anonymous, but I want to read some of these women’s comments on how their intuition is so divinely wise, and maybe we can all pause today and just ask, why am I not trusting my intuition? What stands in the way of me actually trusting my intuition? Is there a fear around it? Is there a limiting belief around it? Is there just doubt? Do we need to heal some aspect of your relationship to intuition? Because I see it as this higher self-voice, this innately wise divine part of you that is always trying to help and guide you along your path of life. And can you imagine if you tuned into that more?

Sharing content from the empath community about COVID-19

Okay, so here is how some of you are feeling, some of the specific things that you experienced leading up to this. Not only…yes, there is also a global pandemic. There’s CoVid 19. There is an outbreak. There’s a lot of chaos, a lot of uncertainty, but there’s also major paradigm shifts happening, new earth birthing, destruction, and creation happening. And so while not all of these comments are about the virus, they seem to all be about an energetic storm that then is bringing something new.

So one woman says, “my friend and I actually had in-depth discussions about how we felt like there was going to be some kind of outbreak in the next couple of years. We just didn’t expect it so soon”.

Another woman says, “I’ve been feeling something big was coming for months. I talked about it repeatedly with family and friends”.

Another woman says, “feeling an air of change for months. Doom mixed with excitement and new beginnings, dreams so vivid and some scary. Snakes, a symbol of transformation. Just an inner knowing that things were shifting and the balance between dark and light was changing.

I had gone through and canceled all reoccurring appointments a month before this happened. Many appointments I would have rebooked the last time of service I wasn’t doing and I have no explanation except a feeling. Another thing that I was wanting desperately to go on, a yoga teacher training retreat, but kept getting the “wait” message over and over. Thankful I listened.”

Another one of the respondents said “I was also doing this since December, but I couldn’t understand why I felt the need to do this. We started to stock up once the episode in Washington State started to happen”. Another woman says, “I had been feeling heightened anxiety since about October. Could not for the life of me explain it. It makes complete sense now. An unsettledness, like something was going to happen. The blackbirds were foraging in big groups and it was almost spring and the temps were in the 80s. I could not find the energy to prioritize aggressive planning for events in March and April that were all canceled and pulled the death and wheel of fortune cards both upright and reverse several times a week before quarantine measures were taken.

Just that feeling in the back of my mind that something was wrong, that something was going to happen, but I didn’t know exactly what and then shortly before they started the implementation of all the provisional measures here, I saw a red fox cross the road in daylight as I was driving to work just a few days before what happened. Anxiety like a mother! High-intensity energy that made it difficult to sleep and harness to put towards a creative outlet. It would always elude me. Crazy, vivid dreams. Lows in my mood where I would sink into hopeless despair and then soar oh so high the next day.

For some reason, I couldn’t set my new year’s intentions. I didn’t even feel like doing any meditations for the new year. I just couldn’t get going this year and didn’t know why. Maybe this was the reason. I had a dream. I can’t remember what happened, but I didn’t sleep well. I had a crazy sore back and eventually woke up to the repeated word virus, virus, virus in my head, super loud. I said to my boyfriend that day, everyone needs to go home and stay home.

Anxiety that I didn’t normally have. A lot of sadness and feeling unsettled.

I had a very unsettling feeling and a couple of events planned that I knew I wouldn’t be going to, but just couldn’t figure out why.

I started self-isolating before the lockdown due to receiving messages from my guides to stay home. Before it got bad here I experienced heavy anxiety and panic. It was like I could feel the energy of it coming.

Intuitive eating. All of a sudden my body started craving healthy foods. I started including lots of salads and fruits in my diet and drastically decreased my sugar and salt intake. I’ve been drinking turmeric, water and ashwagandha supplements since August last year.

I kept pulling a card over and over that talked about the earth taking herself back -That gives me chills – Slowing down and getting back in tune with her. I did a tarot card reading with my therapist and I pulled the tower card and then the devil card and then I think the star of something. I felt like I pulled it for the collective.

I had a feeling that something big and was coming, bigger than anything we’d experienced. And then the month leading up to it hitting the US, my emotions were all over the place and so intense.

And somebody else says me too. I was a roller coaster.

Two months ago, I actually had an extreme vertigo attack in the middle of the night. I had never experienced anything like it in my life and was hospitalized for two days. I came home and took two weeks off with the first few days in an extreme state of panic and fear that eventually subsided, but I had to work my way back to health and driving “balance”. Then just like that, it was gone. It terrified me as originally it felt like an aneurysm. I’m generally very healthy and it was very unusual.

During meditation I had the words come that these were “expansion wobbles”, not to fear them. The light sensitivity and unbalancing feeling lingered for a month. As this rolled around and came to pass, I felt very centered and balanced. I have no real fear of panic in my body and a deep sense of what is. I feel I had a massive shift and release, which created space for me to just hold the light for the planet at this time.

Definitely my body/ higher self was prepping me. I seem to go into a depressive state before any really large events. I’ve been told it’s my body/higher self’s way of protecting me for what’s about to come. And then I also had a really strong desire to dig into politics and do a lot of research behind the scenes of what’s going on in our government and laws, etcetera, and I usually absolutely can’t stand that stuff. The empath in me usually can’t handle it.

Anxiety and some weird depression spells. Kept getting feelings to not book trips we wanted to plan for this April, May, June. Normally I jump on booking trips, but something told me to wait but also felt a calm type of feeling. The opposite of anxiety, like whatever I’m feeling will be okay in the end. Really weird and hard to explain.

Lastly, just a deep feeling in my stomach of feeling dread, guilt, anxiety, sadness, concern and sadness since February and since March, it’s an increase in sensory awareness. Hearing the Earth’s frequency hum, vibration. Everything is vibrating constantly. I feel it through my feet and within me and inner ear issues are a thousand times more heightened and ringing is incredible.

Reasons to listen to your intuition again

These are just some of the messages that I’ve received. There are many more, and I’m sure there are many people who didn’t answer, but maybe had their…maybe you listening have your own experience and if you didn’t, it doesn’t mean that you’re not an empath. That doesn’t mean you’re not intuitive, but when you reflect back, was your intuition actually showing you something, guiding you in some way? Did you go through anything right before this that didn’t make sense and now does make sense? Intuition is not about trying to predict the future and then control everything so that we’re prepared for the future. No. Intuition is about receiving guidance and being lovingly nudged, possibly in directions that serve us, that protect us, that shows us that our inner guide, our inner wisdom is divinely intelligent and worth trusting.

Healing your relationship to intuition

Sometimes it takes these big catalytic events to really make us pause and stop and ask, have I been trusting myself? What would it mean to trust myself moving forward? Who is the version of me? What energy does she embody? What does she look like, feel like? What actions does she take? What habits does she have? How does she show up for the world when she is embodying the energy of trust? Who is that woman? She’s already within you. She’s always been there. My challenge to you is to bring your intuition back up to the surface and give her a full seat at the table because I’m going to get a guess that your ego and your inner child already have at least one seat at the table. So can you pull another chair over and give your intuition a seat as well? Maybe even more of a throne compared to the voice or the chair that the ego has, the inner child has, the wounded part of you may have. So intuition, we’re going to give you a nice little throne at this table. Let’s try this out. What if I were to fully trust myself? How would I change? How would my life change?

What happened to Sarah in the lead up to quarantine

So my story is not so unlike many of the women that you just heard from and I shared with you, it goes back pretty far. But when Andrew and I were picking a date for our wedding, there were only one or two days available that were left for 2019 and we got married on October 11th, and we had booked that day about the previous year around that time, 2018. I was like, no, we have to get married next year. We’re not waiting. There were just one or two dates left and we took one of them cause something told me don’t wait till 2020. Get married in 2019, even if it’s a little bit later than you planned. We were looking for a September wedding. October 11th it was. The week of the snowstorm it also was. My psychic actually told me after the wedding I had a call with her and she said that snow was a symbol on your wedding day of deep, deep cleansing. I was like, Oh, I feel that. I feel that. I needed the cleansing to be able to step into this marriage and this union and just forward in my life in a really pure, beautiful way. It actually looks really pretty in our pictures too.

So something told me to get married in 2019. All right, so we did that. And then I had, as you all heard me say many times, this mountain of grief with losing my brother Joe, and a lot of emotions starting to get cleared out of the closets, and my husband and I both got really, really sick. Sick as he’s been the whole time I’ve known him – really sick. Over Thanksgiving and then into the first week of December, he got it and then I got it, and we were so freaking sick. And right after I started to feel a little bit better, I was in LA as I was getting over whatever this was we both had, and in the tail end of it, it just turned into massive anxiety. I was just feeling so anxious and so ungrounded and so much in fear that I called the same psychic I work with and I said, I cannot shake this feeling that there is another loss coming. I just kept saying – her name’s Beth. I said, Beth, I feel another loss. I feel another loss. I feel another loss. I can’t get out of the fear. It’s rolling over and over in my mind. I have lost both these brothers. Who is going to be next? This is so unfair. Why me, Universe? Just this feeling of loss coming and spirit shows her what she needs to see and intuition doesn’t always show us the whole picture.

And she said spirit just shows me that you’re right. There’s another loss, but we don’t have any details, so stop living in goddamn fear and live your damn life, and you can’t control life anyways. I was like, wow, this is a big soul lesson. Big soul lesson. So then that was the beginning of December. The rest of December became this giant dark night of the soul, which I did a whole episode on, which makes way more sense now. My body did not fully heal physically and my anxiety got worse and I was just, Holy crap. So the lesson of release control, release control, release control. Sarah, you’re still clinging on. Please for the life of me, release control, and it was so hard for me. It was so hard. I did not want to release control. It was sticky and it was uncomfortable and the whiny kid in me came out and was like, why? Why do I have to do this? And I just kept sitting with it and sitting in it and whew! Oh, the shadow is so healing when you surrender to it. When you finally surrender to the shadow, it is so healing. It is not dark and bad and scary and evil. It is so healing. So I had the sole lesson of releasing control. And then I also shared with you in that same dark night of the soul episode that I was diagnosed with a viral chest infection, which is all about grief, holding in grief, grief, grief. The grief of me and grief of my brothers, the grief of the planet. Yeah. And then I also had viral meningitis, inflammation, and swelling of the brain and spinal cord. Wholly neural pathway reprogramming. So much shifted and I was so uncomfortable, but eventually, my body got through it. Then I was diagnosed with mold illness, mold toxicity. And I went through more detox and my body was just detoxing, detoxing, shedding, and releasing and getting all of these toxins out of my body in January and February. And I was so tired, but my body was just releasing, releasing, releasing. And I knew it was doing so much good even though I was tired.

There were all these things that opened me up then to be a more clear vessel and clear channel where I didn’t have to sit in my own clenching on to control, to as much of my own grief, although grief has still been continuing to come up for me, my body felt like it did a digital reorganizing. You’re reorganized now. Now try this on for size. I was like, this is kind of weird. I don’t know how I feel about this new me. And then all this stuff started to happen and I go, thank you universe. I’ve been able to, I have honestly shocked myself and the amount of space I have been able to hold, and that’s not everyone’s role on the planet right now. I’m not saying everyone needs to be a space holder because we don’t. We all need to feel our own feels and just be with ourselves and take care of ourselves and if just getting through the day is your win, perfect. But for me in my journey, I did a lot of that in December, January, and February. A lot of it – and by the time March rolled around, I go, I can hold a fricking ton of space right now.

And I did overdo it at one point. I had to step back and be like, alright, Sarah, Woosah, take care of yourself, take care of yourself. I know you are a projector and you love to guide and manage others, but step back. But in general, I have shocked myself in how much space I’ve been able to hold, and I really believe that part of that has been through the process of listening to my own intuition and letting there be shadow surfacing, letting there be physical discomfort, letting my intuition say yes to getting married in October, even though I wanted to get married in September, feeling into the pain of my chest and the grief that was coming up going, you know what? I’m just going to trust that my body is ready to release this. My intuition is saying she’s ready to release this. Release this now, and I let it go. I felt into my feelings.

So I just want to hear from all of you. What is your story? What have you been experiencing in relation to your intuition? What parts of you are coming back up to the surface, or have you been ignoring that now your intuition – maybe it didn’t happen in January or February. Maybe it’s coming up now – but what is your intuition telling you now, and can you use all of these examples as just one more reason to start trusting yourself and knowing that you have all the answers locked within you and you can unlock them? You can unlock them and you can utilize all of that guidance and wisdom for the greater good of not only you but the entire planet. That’s my invitation to you today as we wrap this conversation up. I invite you to reconnect your intuition so that you can receive this guidance in the clearest way possible so you know how to interpret it and you know what’s best for you at this moment. There is not one thing that is best for all of us right now, and instead, what is best for you? What serves you to the highest, greatest degree?

Open up your channel to that. If you need help with that process of awakening your intuition or opening up your channel, you know I am here for you. I have online courses that are self-guided. I have free meditations that take you through visualizations. I have so many tools to help you do this. So if you’ve been listening and going, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, Oh my gosh. Wait, how do I do that? Some of you already have these skills, this knowledge, this practice, these tools and you’re just not using them or you’re not trusting yourself while you’re doing it. Others of you may not actually have that guidance and tool kit yet and if you fall into that category, please reach out. I have a mix of paid and free resources that can support you.

All right, my friends. I love the shit out of you. Thank you to everyone who commented on my post and for openly sharing and being vulnerable and not judging or criticizing or comparing ourselves to what we did or did not feel in relation to what somebody else in that thread did or did not feel. And instead, just saying this is what I felt and yes, it is a reason to trust my intuition more. Alright, I’m going to leave you with that. I love you and I’ll see you in the next episode.

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May 22, 2020

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