Ep. 157 Q&A: Feeling Seen & Healing Core Wounds

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In this episode, I discuss:

  • How to establish a business following & community
  • Exploring the fear of being seen
  • Identifying triggers and learning how to move through fears
  • Ways to gauge your progress when healing core wounds

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Episode Transcript:

Welcome to the Uncensored Empath, a place for us to discuss highly sensitive energy, illness, healing, and transformation. My name is Sarah Small, and I’m a life coach for empaths who want to create a thriving body, business, and life. Think of this podcast as your no B-S guide to navigating life, health and entrepreneurship. You’ll get straight to the point totally holistic tips from me in real-time as I navigate this healing and growth journey right beside you. This is a Soul Fire production.

Welcome back to another episode. The day this episode is being released is my birthday. I’ll be 33 on November 30th. I’m recording this a little bit early, but I have no plans for that day so far. So I can’t tell you what I’m going to be doing, but definitely go over and check out the Uncensored Empath on Instagram, because I am planning some fun promotions, so hope to see you over there. And thanks for sharing my birthday with me.

How to establish a business following & community

This is another Q and A episode, and I’m going to dive right in to try to get through as many questions as possible today. The first question is from Brandy. She writes, “I have a heart-based business in Oracle and Taro cards. How did you find your tribe? I feel so empowered and lost all in the same breath”.

So first of all, it’s so important to be you. If you try to build a community based on somebody else’s personality or based on a business that you admire, but that is not true to who you are on a soul level, that is not going to feel authentic. And every business every offer within your business has its own frequency, its own energy, its own soul energy. And when people feel that energy, because they’re going to feel that energy, they’re either going to resonate with it or not. So you want to make sure that you’re putting your full, authentic, you-iest, you-ness into everything that you do. And by simply being yourself, you’re going to attract more of those ride-or-die community members. And that’s part of what’s going to set you apart from all the others, in this case, Oracle and Tarot card businesses as well, that there’s something special about you, Brandy. So bring your uniqueness, those things that are special or different about you to your business and to the conversations or even teachings that you have for Oracle and Tarot. And that’s what’s truly going to start to attract more of your people. So, I recently polled the audience inside of The Uncensored Empath Facebook community and over on Instagram and I asked them for those of you who have taken paid courses with me, which were your favorite courses of the 30 plus that have been created over the last four years?

And one of my clients, I love her, she listed a couple of her favorites, but she also said that I’d follow you anywhere. And that says something. So I’ve built this trust factor, this rapport with that client, she’s been in numerous courses, she’s been a one-on-one client and she trusts me. I create consistent, high-value content and curate experiences within my paid courses that people want to come back for again and again and again. And I am super proud of having a ton, ton, ton of repeat customers and clients within the Uncensored Empath, LLC, and brand as a whole. I feel that the reason that I’ve been able to do that, and build that consistency amongst repeat clients, is that the experience that I curate as I mentioned, is one that they feel they got the takeaways that they were anticipating or even more than they were anticipating, or they got the value out of it, or they loved the community feel and the whole energy that was built inside of that course or that offer.

This can be one-on-one with just you and that person, especially if you’re doing an Oracle card reading with them. Or maybe it’s a group course, but I’m thinking about your business, Brandy and how in every single one of the readings that you do Oracle or Tarot with a one-on-one client, if you’re creating an experience that is memorable, that they take something away that is maybe different from another Oracle card reader that they worked with. Or maybe you shared something with them in that reading that shifted their life in some way, they’re going to come back to you and you’re building that rapport. You’re building that trust with them. So, by creating amazing content, you’re by nature, going to start to build more consistency and repeat customers and clients as well. And that’s what I’ve also found has built more of a sense of community. Because if I just had evergreen products that people came and bought, and then I never even connected to them.

And that’s part of my business, you can take some courses and never connected with me, but most of my business includes a connection with me. And every time that I have that connection, then that person is having this experience that they come back for over and over again. It’s something that we’re building a relationship. And so much of finding, as you said, Brandy, your tribe is building relationships and making sure that people have an amazing experience. A lot of it is customer service. I also think that it’s important in my experience to let people into your world, you can keep as much as you want secret or private. That is totally up to you. My brand is Uncensored. I’m very uncensored in what I share with my community, but there are still plenty of parts of my life that I do not share on the podcast and I do not share on social media.

So you get to discern what you’re going to share and what you’re not with the whole world. You can still let people into your world without sharing everything, or getting nude energetically, where you feel like you’re totally stripped out and bare and raw. You don’t have to do that. It doesn’t feel safe for you to share that much. However, when you do share little bits of your world, like the name of your dog and something that you love to do, and this is outside of just Oracle/Tarot. So, let’s say your Instagram account is maybe 80% zoned in and related to the business, it’s okay to let that other 20% just be who’s Brandy, who are you and allow people to get to know you begin to like you. And again, build that trust factor. So let them into your world and share parts of you and your life that maybe aren’t so related to your business.

My highest engagement posts have been wedding announcements, baby announcements, and things that are seemingly completely unrelated to my business. And yet, people care because we’re building our relationship. I am allowing them into my world, at least somewhat into my world. And the podcast is another example of that. I hope it feels right now, whoever you are listening, I’m speaking directly to you. And this is a form of relationship-building as well. So in your Oracle and Tarot business Brandy, what else makes you, you, other than your love for Oracle and Tarot, what else makes you, you? So, part of what makes me, me is my obsession with my dogs. And I share that. Also, as I’ve been speaking about a lot on the podcast lately, as I’m recording this 14 weeks pregnant, and that’s a journey that I’ve been inviting people into.

If you didn’t feel comfortable doing that, then you don’t have to. I feel really comfortable doing that. And again, it’s allowing people into something that I’m going through outside of just the courses that I’m selling. Also, are you creating consistent content that invites people into your community? So you want to make sure that there’s always an invitation. So it sounds like your intention is to be building this amazing community. And in order to do that, there needs to be an invitation in order for them to say, yes, I want to be part of this community. That can be in a paid offer. It can be a one-on-one or a card reading. It can simply be opting in to follow you on social media or sign up for your newsletter or opt into a freebie.

Regardless, there needs to be some sort of invitation so they can take action and say, yes, I do want to get to know you better. And I do want to be part of this amazing community. So make sure that you know, all the ways that people can find you. That can be a good exercise to do right now is to write down all the ways that people can currently find you. And ask yourself, are those the places that people who are my ideal clients are actually hanging out? Are they hanging out in those places? And how can I shift either my content or what I’m sharing or what I’m offering as a paid course, or a reading that is going to be a more of a hell yes for them? But there’s not even going to be hesitation around. They’re going to find it. And they’re going to be, this was made for me. So get into that person’s head that you want inside of your community. So it’s created in a very intentional way and start to speak to them directly and create content as if you’re literally writing that one person, a letter inside of your post.

Exploring the fear of being seen

All right, let’s move on to the next question. This one’s from Melissa. She writes, “Do you have any tips on how to get over the anxiousness of being quote ‘seen on social media’ and showing myself in a live video?”

Melissa, I guarantee you are not alone in this sphere. In fact, I have heard it so many times, so many times, even clients who say, I want to put myself out there, I want to do this. And it’s not just a straight-up no, thank you. No, thank you I never want to do that. They say I want to, but I have this fear of being seen. I have this fear of putting myself out there. And again, I’ve seen it over and over and over again, but there is not one size fits all answer or solution to putting yourself out there. Because oftentimes, what I see in my work is that everyone’s root cause of that fear or of that anxiousness is different. It’s based on a different subconscious story that their mind is telling them. So what helps is to identify what the root is for you in order to help clear that anxiety.

So I want to begin by asking you what negative associations are there with being seen for you, Melissa? What are the negative associations? Aka. what do you feel is going to happen? Or what is the subconscious/ego telling you is going to happen if you do put yourself out there and show your face on social media? And you are seen, and maybe you have a certain number of people that you feel safe being seen by. And for some people there’s a threshold on, so, if five people are watching, then it’s okay and I’m safe. And if there’s more than five, then I’m not. And now I have all this anxiety. So notice if there are any rules around what it means to be seen and the number of viewers you might have on this live video. But also take note, you can even pause this if you need to and do a little journaling session again, what negative associations there are to being seen? What is the subconscious tell you is going to happen as a result?

Some examples would include they, meaning the listeners are going to tell me I’m wrong. They’re going to call me out and say that’s wrong. Or they are not going to agree with me. They disagree. They are going to laugh at me. They’re going to make fun of me. They’re going to think my offer is stupid. They aren’t going to buy from me if you’re selling something on your live stream. What if I freeze up, what if I mumble? What if I don’t make any fucking sense in what I’m saying and I just go on and on and I totally botch it? These are very real thoughts that we probably have. If you have a fear of being seen, you likely have some of those thoughts, if not, what are your thoughts? And then once you identify, what is that main thought or negative association that you have with going live on social media? I want you to ask yourself, what memory do you have associated with that? What is the first memory you have around being seen in this probably more negative way in the past?

Identifying triggers and learning how to move through fears

So let’s say your biggest fear around being seen is actually that people are going to call you out and tell you that you’re wrong. And when you reflect on it, the earliest memory you have of being called out and told you are wrong, was back in elementary school. And that time back in elementary school, when you raised your hand and you were really confident that you had the right answer, the teacher called on you and ou blurted out the answer. And she said, no, that’s not the right answer. Maybe it roots back to something as simple as that one moment when you were told you were wrong and that might’ve led to some sense of embarrassment. You may or may not have that crystal clear of a memory that comes up, but it is helpful to reflect on what memory this is linked. Because likely the age you are now, this version of you, didn’t just spontaneously develop this sphere. Likely it’s been reinforced or again, there’s a moment that you can track it back to, in which it first started. And by identifying the root, that helps to clear the anxiety you said that you’re experiencing, Melissa.

And then now that we know, and have identified that root of the anxiety of the fear, you can tap on it. So you can use emotional freedom techniques, tapping to help clear that from the subconscious mind, that negative association. Let’s say if they’re going to tell me that I’m wrong so that fear is no longer there. So you can go live and not even have that thought in your mind. You can do many other things as well, to help clear it like a guided visualization, hypnosis, inner child healing, timeline therapy. But the first step is figuring out why am I actually feeling this anxiety about being seen? What is the internal dialogue that starts to amp up, the volume gets turned up when I think about this, when I think about pushing live on my phone and sharing my voice?

And then, on a more surface level, it also just really helps to practice. So, I would say the biggest shift you’re going to experience is in clearing the actual anxiety, the root of the anxiety. And again, more surface level practice, practice on your own, practice by just putting yourself out there if that feels okay for your nervous system. Or put yourself out there, but do it in a safe place. So maybe your goal is to go live on your personal page with all 3,000 of your friends, from all different parts of your life. But that feels very anxiety inducing. You could start by doing it in a private, closed Facebook group. And maybe you invite whoever you want to into the group. Or maybe it’s some entrepreneur group that you don’t actually know anybody personally, maybe that feels safe for you, just a bunch of strangers, whatever feels most safe for you. Try that out, see how that goes for you. So you can take some of the more baby steps to get to a place where your nervous system doesn’t feel so threatened by let’s say, going live on your personal page.

The other thing, especially for any projectors who are listening, but I would argue this to be helpful for anyone who has anxiety of being seen on social media. Imagine that you are talking to the one person who today, needs to hear the message that you have to share. So you can start to drown out, and pushed to the side and anybody else, anybody else, any haters, any judgers, any trolls on the internet. And imagine your spot, you’re speaking to that one person who is after you’re finished going live, going to message you and say, thank you. Thank you for saying that. Thank you for helping me today. Thank you for helping me feel seen today. Oh my gosh. I have been feeling that way too. Thank you for vocalizing it and putting it out there. I wish I had the courage to do that. That one person who needs to hear your message, who you’re going to inspire through doing the hard thing, doing the thing that feels a little risky, a little scary the first time. The first time I went live, I was a little scared. I was, I was a little scared. I was a little nervous. It didn’t totally bomb, but, even if it does just delete it afterwards. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Start somewhere. I suggest starting with getting to the root of the anxiety, and then, beginning to practice in a safe place. And then practice that speaking to that one person who needs to hear your message, and grow from there. And you will, you’ll grow and you’ll grow and you grow, and then it’s going to be no big deal. It’s going to be no big deal to just go live in your PJ’s whenever the hell you want, because you got something to say that day, but take the baby steps. And Melissa, we’re going to be cheering you on.

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Ways to gauge your progress when healing core wounds

All right, next question. This one’s from Erica. She writes, “How do you know when you fully healed a core wound? Are they able to be fully healed? I’m working on one right now and I’m not sure how to measure my progress with it.”

Absolutely, they can be healed. And when I think of core wound, I think of something stored within the subconscious that does not serve you. And has potentially, because of the language used to your core wound. I would intuitively guess that maybe it’s been reinforced over time, and then time, and time, and time, and time again. And so it feels like a really big part of your operating system and something that has really affected your life, or you get really easily triggered by. So the first way to, to measure progress and that’s interesting because the measuring of progress is very much in the masculine. In order to measure something, we need some sort of scale. An example of that would be when we do the emotional freedom technique, tapping. Typically, we have our clients rate the level intensity of the issue from zero to 10, 10 being the highest before we tap. So let’s say it starts at a nine and then after each round of tapping. So maybe after four rounds of tapping, they’re down to a zero or a one. Well, there’s really a simple, tangible way to measure progress by using the emotional freedom technique.

With a core wound or a subconscious program that does not serve you, or has been very ingrained again into the operating system. Maybe it’s not so tangible. Maybe there isn’t a clear zero to 10 where, how it started, and how it feels today. You could try to apply it to a scale like that. But this reminds me of one of my past one-on-one clients who struggled with chronic migraines and even rating her migraines every day was, was challenging. It was hard to feel into what exactly is the number that describes this pain today. When every day it’s so different or the quality and sensation of it maybe has moved or shifted in some way. So that may or may not work. So I want to give you a more of a mix of it in tangible, because it’s not numbers, but still something you can actively do, so slightly tangible, to measure your progress.

And it’s more questioning. So ask yourself, are you still triggered by that thing, that’s related to the core wounds? So we can actually use the previous question as an example, if the root of that anxiety of being seen was I’m afraid to be wrong. And this is the core wound, I’m afraid to wrong. It’s also a limiting belief again, stored in the subconscious mind. Again, at least we don’t have the technology at this moment today, to scan the brain and check oh it’s gone, like see yah, peace out. Bye. So we have to figure out a different way to be able to measure that ,as I was mentioning. So you can ask, am I still triggered by it? Do I still feel afraid to be wrong? So let’s say you do go live on Facebook. And then, someone does comment on that. Facebook Live and says, no way, girl, that is total bullshit. And they call you out and they are, I don’t agree with you. You’re wrong. How do you feel your nervous system would react? And again, this is not specific to what Erica may be working through with her question, but I want to give a tangible example to see how this could apply. So if this were your core wound, I’m afraid to be wrong. And somebody comments on your Facebook Live, no way, total B-S. How do you feel your nervous system would react? Does your instinct become, I’m just going to laugh that off? Do you get horribly embarrassed? Do you feel Oh my God, I should never do a Facebook Live again. Throw in the towel. I quit. I, white flag surrender. Do you just delete the whole video because you’re so embarrassed and you don’t want anyone to see it? Do you maybe just leave that person’s comment there and not respond, to maybe your awesome community that you’ve been building? Related to question one from today. Maybe they jump in and they just tell that hater to go away. Maybe you respond in a calm, cool, collected way, explaining your point of view in a more clear terms, to help that person understand.

And there’s not one right or wrong way to respond to that. But how do you feel you would, if this is where your core wound of, I’m afraid to be wrong? That literal thing just happened. Someone told me I was wrong. Do I feel super triggered by this? Or is this no big deal? So that’s a pretty clear way to measure your progress. Are you still triggered by it? So apply this. Erica didn’t share exactly what that core wound was, but you can do this same process to whatever core wound you may be working on. The other part I would add is, just this other question, which is have any other behaviors change related to that core wound? And this one helps to pause and think about because, when we’re going through life day by day by day, we may not realize that over that time, day by day by day, things are changing, but they’re not these big, massive aha or momentous shifts.

So it might help to pause and actually think about this, and ask yourself again, have any behaviors changed related to this core wound? So for example, I used to do this when I felt that way. Now, I do this other thing when I feel that way. So that may or may not mean the wound is fully healed or the subconscious limiting belief is completely dissolved or gone, but maybe you can see tangible behavioral change related to it. The example that’s popping into my mind right now is in a relationship. Let’s say you’re single and you’re dating and there’s a core wound around not feeling good enough, not feeling lovable. And so, you’ve attracted the partner who reinforces that, and doesn’t love you the way you want to be loved, and reinforces the belief of you’re not enough. You’re not good enough for me. And you realize that was a behavior in the past of constantly dating that same kind of person. Who’s clearly not the person you want to be with. And then, now, you realize that hmm, that behavior actually has changed. And the most recent person I dated was not like that. Maybe it still didn’t work out, but it wasn’t like that. And so I can see that my choice in a partner and who I am calling into my life, even if just by a little bit, has shifted. And I’m saying no to those people that I’ve dated in the past or anyone like those people I’ve dated in the past. And now, I’m opening up myself to a hell yes, to the person who is no longer going to reinforce that limiting belief and that core wound. So just another example to play with.

So Erica, just feel into this and ask yourself these questions. Again, maybe you can put a number to it. Maybe there’s a clear, more in the masculine, tangible way of measuring progress, but likely there isn’t. And if that’s the case, these two questions can help. Are you still triggered by it, and have any other behaviors change related to that wound? So just think about then versus now.

All right. That’s all for today, we’re actually 100% caught up on the coaching questions inside of the free Facebook group, the Uncensored Empath community. Again, that thread comes out every Monday where you can ask your questions. We’re going to take a break from the Q and A episodes for a while, and move back into some other solo and interview episodes. So if you want to get support and ask your questions and get some coaching, now those questions are going to be answered primarily, inside of the Facebook community. So I’ll continue to answer them, but they’re mostly going to be answered inside of that group.

So make sure you join us. You can either just search The Uncensored Empath community in your Facebook search tab, or you can click the link in the show notes to join us. There’s a couple of short questions you have to answer in order to join the group, but then you are in, and you are part of this really incredible community of empaths that are so supportive of each other, and a safe place to ask questions and be able to express yourself and be seen in this crazy world right now.

Thanks again for tuning in to another episode. If you’re loving the podcast, I would really appreciate it. If you could just give me a little end of the year gift by going over to ratethispodcast.com/empath, it’ll give you really clear instructions on how to leave a five-star review, and give your honest feedback on what you love about this show. And again, I’ll be so, so grateful. Have a happy holiday season, and I’ll talk to you guys soon.

So full disclosure, being part of Soul Fire productions is the most magical, fantastical thing, because it feels like a little soul tribe, family of other podcast hosts where we get to collaborate and we get to mastermind, and it brings so much joy to my life. And I am somebody who thrives on that community. So I want to introduce you to a few more of the podcast hosts inside of this network.

Today, I’m going to introduce you to the most fabulous, which is their names are Leah Knauer and Rachel Laforest, of Basic Witches. These ladies are next level. It is so much fun to be a fly on the wall during their conversations. And you can ride along during their episodes with Leah and Rachel, as they share their deep thoughts, deep breathing, and deep belly laughs and open up celebrity guests and professionals in the spiritual world that they have on as guests. They ask the basic questions so you don’t have to. Astrology.com loves them and I think you will too. So give this fiery Gemini and Scorpio duo a listen, anywhere podcasts can be found. And as the Basic Witches say Hex Oh, Hex Oh.


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December 2, 2020


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