Listen Here:

WELCOME TO THE FOOD ANXIETY MINI SERIES Part 5!

These conversations are based around food fear, anxiety, disordered eating, intuitive eating, and changing our relationship to food.

Find Part 1 Here

Find Part 2 Here

Find Part 3 Here

Find Part 4 Here

Find Part 5 Here

In this episode, I’m interviewing Rachel Molenda:

A Toronto-based Certified Holistic Nutritionist (CNP) and Disordered & Emotional Eating Coach who helps women heal their relationship to food and their body.

With each client she works with, Rachel brings her non-restrictive, anti-diet, whole foods (or what she refers to as #RealAssFood) approach to help people adopt healthy sustainable food and lifestyle practices so they can start living a fulfilling life free of restrictive rules.

Additional Resources:

BOOK: 21 Days of Healing

21 Days of Healing was created out of my own desire to go beyond food and heal on a deeper emotional and spiritual level. I curated the most loved content based on hundreds of live students experience in the course, and created this self guided workbook to help you navigate chronic illness, release emotional inflammation, and find the medicine woman within.

FREE OPT IN: 30 Tips for Healing Chronic Illness

Discover some not-so-average tools for cleaning up your lifestyle, ditching toxic thoughts, and bringing more love into your life!

PRODUCT: Pique Tea

Pique is a concentrated invigorating elixir that dissolves in cold or hot water and provides your body with phytonutrients to unleash your inner potential! My favorite is Reishi Calm for grounding!

Episode Transcript:

Welcome to the Healing Uncensored podcast. My name is Sarah Small, and I’m a health and mindset coach for women with autoimmune disease just like you. I absolutely love helping you tap into your self-healing power, uncover the energetic side of healing and release limiting beliefs around your body and your life. Think of this podcast is everything you wouldn’t hear at your doctor’s office. It’s a place for empowered souls to move beyond food and heal themselves on a soul level. I hope you enjoy today’s episode. Now let’s begin.

Welcome to part five of this mini series on food anxiety. I hope that these episodes have brought to light some new ideas and inspiration guidance and advice on healing. Our relationship with food, especially when we’re also struggling with a chronic illness and in this final part of this miniseries I’m interviewing Rachel Molenda. She is a Toronto-based certified holistic nutritionist, as well as a disorder and emotional eating coach, who helps women heal their relationship to food and their body. I am so honored to have Rachel on the show today, and I can’t wait for you all to listen.

Sarah: Rachel, welcome to Healing Unsensored. Super excited to have you on the show today.

Rachel: Thanks for having me.

Sarah: So I want to hear a little bit more about you. It’s our first time having a conversation. So I’d love to hear about your relationship with food and your own healing journey.

Rachel: My journey started from a young age and I was about maybe 13, grade five. I’d always just been very health conscious and I thought that’s who I was. I actually had an eating disorder when I was in grade eight and it was very short-lived, but that followed by what I call a 10-year career in disordered eating essentially. And disordered eating is different from an eating disorder. An eating disorder would be anorexia, bulemia that sort of thing. Whereas disordered eating is that constant starting fresh on Monday and okay, tomorrow I’m going to get my together.

I’m constantly restricting and depriving and trying to control food. So that really went on for 10 years. And it might’ve been rooted in a number of things. I’m tall, I’m five 11 but people would refer to me as, they’d say, Oh, you’re so big, instead of saying you’re so tall. And I’m, please don’t say that. So I’ve always been a little self-conscious in that way. I’m also a twin. And as a twin, you compare a lot. My twins always had that wicked metabolism, small frame. And so there’s always this like comparison thing going on. So that’s always been rooted in me. I’m a perfectionist by nature, so I took these healthy habits and took them to the extreme. Which, there is the name for it now, orthorexia.

So it started there, and then continued into university where my binge eating got pretty bad. So I was living with roommates at the time and getting home to an empty house was a dream. Because I can eat all the things. It was where my mind would just stop and I would go into this zone. I can’t even describe it. And I haven’t been there since, thank God. But it was a repetitive thing where, I would eat all the things. I would eat my roommate’s food and make it look perfect as if I hadn’t touched it. And I just remember, this was the end point of that. I remember falling to the floor and just bawling and being, when is this going to end? I can’t live like this.

And shortly after I’d moved home after university, and my mom started making more of my food. And so for the first time, I was eating whole foods. And also for the first time, I was wow, I’m actually full and feel satiated because I was thriving on [aspartame fields?] [inaudible 03:58], everything right. And not actually feeling satiated, always eating half of things. Because God forbid, you eat the whole thing. So always feeling very empty. And I think that was a turning point for me eating more whole foods. At the same time I also started doing CrossFit. And if you’ve ever been into a CrossFit gym, you’ll notice there’s no mirrors. So the whole aesthetics goal is completely taken away and the focus is on what can your body do today, that it couldn’t do yesterday? And that was super awesome because you’re just discovering that you are a superhuman. And you’re surprising yourself and all the things that you can do. And so, that was a little snowball effect. And here I am.

Sarah: That’s amazing. I’m sure there’s people listening who are probably in the thick of it and they have this relationship with food that just really doesn’t feel good right now. How do you pull yourself out of that? Or where do you go or where did you go to start looking for help? To start to get out of this mindset of food is just a blanket for all your emotions.

Rachel: So I don’t want to say I’m self-healed, but I kind of am because I think I healed myself just by going through all that shit. Because when I was in it, I didn’t know anything was wrong. I didn’t know. I didn’t have a label for it. Now I can say, Oh, that was disordered eating. Whereas, I just thought that was normal. And even with my clients now, I had a client that was 50 years old and in our discovery call, she broke down crying and was, I just discovered I’ve been disordered eating my whole life and didn’t even realize it. So people don’t even recognize that it’s something out of the norm. And so that can make it hard to actually seek help and see that there’s a solution for it. Because we’re only taught that lin order to control, there’s a lot of societal influences to be a certain way. And, in order to be that way, we’re only taught to control food and to control exercise.

But, there’s so many layers to that, but it’s just not the answer. And in that we’re taught to restrict and deprive and cut calories. And again, that’s just not the answer. So I think it’s great that a lot of people are coming out with their stories now. I follow a lot of people who are doing similar work as me, and they share those stories very openly on social media and that’s what I’ve started doing. So people who are in the thick of it will reach out to me being, thank you for writing that, I needed that message today. Or, wow. I didn’t even realize I was going through that. So I think that’s a great segue to start getting out of it. And there’s a lot more, I think things are changing too, society’s changing. We’re welcoming all sizes of bodies. There’s this body positivity movement. So I think that that’s going to really help things change.

Sarah: Yes. I just had this visualization as you were talking, but I think that you’re right. Especially even the Instagram world gets so, filtered. And it’s funny because I’ve noticed in my own marketing and my own posts that the posting I have of me without any makeup on, selfie in the bathroom, literally have five times as many likes as the picture that is professionally taken and edited. And I’m, Oh my God, I look so beautiful in that picture. But people are no, I got a hundred likes on that. One of me showing my melasma and vertilago and all these things that I saw as so imperfect and horrible for so long, everyone sees as authentic. It’s as if the real you is coming forward. The real me is coming forward in that post. And people appreciate that.

And to speak to what you were saying, just you sharing your own story. It also allows us to see that we’re not alone. And we’re not alone in this struggle with food, disordered eating, eating disorders. And that there is more people out there that are struggling in a similar way. Maybe not the same exact way, but struggling as well. Did you feel you had a community when you were healing? Or do you feel maybe now you’re craving that community? And I’m just thinking about after healing that, so where you are in your own life? Just going out to eat and all that stuff now, social life now in your life, do you ever get triggered by that?

Rachel: Yes. I think that was the thing. I didn’t have the community and that tribe around me before. And if anything, I had people that were just reaffirming it. So they were always commenting on their weight and always dieting too. And when someone who is physically smaller than you comments on how they feel fat or don’t feel good in their body, you look at yourself. You’re well, what the hell is wrong with me? I must be a shit show then. So that was very much in university, and around that time I think we were all in the thick of it. I don’t want to put the blame on anyone, but it’s very much a discovery period. Where you’re still seeking approval from external sources and you don’t know how to find that from within yet. And there’s that whole people-pleasing aspect.

Now, I would say it’s the complete opposite, where I really strive to build my community and my tribe. And surround myself with people that do communicate the same message, and that inspire me to be okay with my body too. So you mentioned going out for dinner now, I love doing that and I’ll deliberately go out for dinner with people who love to eat. I don’t want to go out for dinner with someone that’s going to be all diety. And if anything, I’m not always going to have control over that, but what I do is try to navigate the conversation. And that’s what I tell my clients too. These dieting triggers are always going to be there because people are on their own journeys and you can’t control that. But what you can do is you can change the conversation. You cannot give into the diet culture and what they’re doing. So for example, if someone were to say, Oh, this chocolate cake must be so bad for me, you can change the conversation and be it’s actually really good. I’m actually really enjoying this. I can’t remember the last time I had chocolate cake this good. So as not to feed into that.

Sarah: Yes. That all makes sense. So I know you don’t work specifically with people with chronic illness or autoimmune disease. Have you ever worked with anyone who’s been through an elimination diet or anything like that?

Rachel: I actually haven’t. But I’m open to working with clients that are going through that, and that’s where things will get tricky, but it’s different.? Because it’s not so much, Oh, I can’t have this food because it’s going to make me gain weight. It’s no, I can’t have this food because it’s going to lead to a flare up or something and actually cause a physical issue. And so, what I’d recommend is, even for the clients that I work with now is always bringing it back to how does this make me feel? And that’s going to reaffirm your why and your purpose, your reasoning for eating certain foods and not eating certain foods.

For me, I love ice cream, but I know it makes me have the worst farts of life. So I know that, so I can be you know what, I can pass on the ice cream just this time. Not all the time. Sometimes I’ll be you know what, the farts are worth it. But sometimes I’ll pass because I don’t want to feel that way after. And that’s what I would recommend to people that are listening to this is, bring it back to how does it make me feel? Because if you know it doesn’t feel good, it’s not going to be hard to cut out that food. Whereas, if I were to say, Oh, I can’t have the ice cream because it’s going to make me gain weight. You almost build a novelty around it. Now, it becomes this forbidden fruit that you start thinking about it all the time because it’s that untouchable thing that you can’t have. And then you obsess over it. Whereas, if it’s your choice and you believe in it and you are happy about it, then it will be easier to eliminate if you need to.

Sarah: Yes. I think there are two categories that we are sort of defining here. Which is, I’m thinking about when I had to stop eating gluten because I realized and was diagnosed with celiac disease. So that was really hard for me to cut out because I really enjoyed the taste of pizza. But then, being a rebel, I kept eating it, even though I knew I had celiac disease in the very beginning. Because I didn’t even know celiac disease was an autoimmune disease when I was diagnosed. Crazy times. And what I learned and intuitively felt in my body was then, I ate that piece of pizza and I felt like fucking hell, it was horrible. And I was you know what? I don’t want gluten ever again ever, ever, ever again because it’s not worth it in my body.

So there’s that, where this makes me feel horrible. It’s causing inflammation in my body. It’s creating flares in my body. Versus let’s say chocolate, a piece of dark chocolate. That might be labeled as a cheat food or too indulgent or something. And that doesn’t make me feel bad. Chocolate in no way, shape, or form makes me feel crappy. So, eating that food or putting it like you said, making it a forbidden fruit, is really just, what’s the word? Tormenting myself.

Rachel: Totally. Yes. You think you’re doing so much good by controlling it. And that’s why I say self-control and willpower doesn’t really exist because like you, we have biological desires. That’s you are playing a mental game with yourself and you’re setting yourself up for failure. So I actually say to clients as a nutritionist, I say have the ice cream, because when you do that, if you really want it, you’re going to eat it. You’re going to enjoy it. You’re going to feel satiated. Then you’re going to move on. As opposed to not allowing yourself to have that ice cream. And then maybe thinking about it for hours or days, or maybe it’s just one night and you’re, Hey, I’ll have a banana frozen, nice cream instead because that’s healthier. And then, you’re that didn’t do it so I’m going to go eat some chips. I’m going to go eat this. And then, sure enough, you’re back at the ice cream. Just have the ice cream to begin with. If it makes you feel good, always bring it back to how it makes you feel.

Sarah: So let’s talk about dieting. I remember seeing in some of your bio that dieting is not the answer. Can you talk about that?

Rachel: Yes. Essentially when we’re dieting, our body doesn’t know that we’re dieting because our body thinks primitively. So it perceives that as a famine, all of a sudden we’re not receiving the calories that we’re used to, the calories that we need to support our basic needs. And so our body’s going to respond to that by actually making us want food more and look for food. So in the past it would, and it still does this now. It’s going to cause us to increase our hunger hormones, like ghrelin to actually make us seek out food or crave foods. So if someone’s been dieting and restricting for a while, and maybe they’re eating fewer calories than usual, that’s going to happen. And so they might find that, okay, they’re on track and they’re doing it. But then, everything is going to go to shit.

And they’re going to eat all the things. And they perceive that as, Oh, I don’t have any willpower, but it’s like, no, your body is actually hungry. It’s looking for food. And that’s another thing with hunger. A lot of people think hunger is a bad thing. We’ve been taught to suppress hunger by chewing gum, drinking coffee, chugging water before a meal, because God forbid that we eat. But hunger is brain very much again, it’s a biological signal. It’s saying my body needs food right now. And so, what I really teach my clients is to trust that even sometimes, that can be hard at first, because again, we’ve been taught not to trust that. And even society is set up for us to eat at certain times.

So if you had breakfast at seven and you find you’re hungry at 10, that can be very confusing for someone because they’re, why am I hungry? I just had breakfast. But Hey, maybe you had a killer workout or maybe you’re menstruating. There could be so many other things that your body doesn’t lie. So what I recommend instead of dieting is to eat intuitively. So what intuitive eating is, it’s honoring and listening to your body’s needs and the signals that it gives you, including your hunger signals. So it’s eating when you’re hungry, stopping when you’re full, honoring your cravings. Sometimes cravings aren’t always chocolate cake and ice cream. Sometimes, I don’t know if you’ve felt this, but sometimes you just want a kale salad.

I was traveling in Colombia back in June and we were eating arepas and a lot of fried foods. Foods that I don’t typically eat, but I was, you know what, when in Rome sort of thing. I’m traveling, I want to experience the culture, but I came back and I made a massive salad. I was, this is what my body wants and needs right now, and I’m going to honor that. So there’s studies that actually say that eating intuitively and honoring your body signals is actually more effective than dieting. There’s actually no long-term studies that show that dieting supports long-term weight loss.

And then, also changing the conversation about like the fact that someone in a thinner body isn’t necessarily healthier than someone in a bigger body. And that’s what the ‘Health At Every Size movement says. So I really try to educate on that and just help people find more comfort in the skin that they’re in. As opposed to going to such extreme measures, to overhaul their whole life and constantly feel at war with food.

Sarah: You are really bringing me back right now, because now, intuitive eating is easy for me. So I literally just eat whenever I’m hungry and I don’t feel guilty about it. And I eat very specific foods based on my lab tests and my own personal healing journey. But within that, whenever I’m hungry, this girl eats.

Rachel: Yes.

Sarah: I stop when I’m full, but it did not use to be that way. And sometimes when you are so used to a new routine, you forget where you came from. And I’m really remembering where I came from in this moment, and thinking about seventh and eighth grade even. And how I definitely would label food as too indulgent, or this will make me fat. This was a pre-teen girl talking. And I would go for runs around the neighborhood because I thought, god forbid I became fat and labeled myself that way.

And I was so, so mean to myself and I wouldn’t let myself finish anything. Like you were saying where it’s, god forbid you finished the whole donut, and they’re, you must only eat half. And there was so much of that inner talk that just was very self-hatred. And this feeling of restriction and lack and never fulfilling that I came from that is just all surfacing for me right now. Going, I forgot that it was really, really bad at one point. And it’s taken a lot to get to where I am today. So I’m sure there’s people listening who are going, but my lab test says this, or my doctor says this, or I have celiac disease and I can’t eat gluten. And we’re not disregarding that when we’re talking. But maybe from your perspective, Rachel, how can people, and more specifically, women listening to this show still reach some of their health goals without feeling they have to be restricted or on this lack diet?

Rachel: So when I’m working with clients, I wear this holistic nutrition hat, and then I also wear this emotional eating, disorder eating coach hat, both of which are very different? Nutrition comes with rules. It says, you’re either doing it right and you’re being healthy. Or you’re doing it wrong and you’re being unhealthy. Whereas, emotional eating and disordered eating healing says eat all the things.? Let’s fuck the rules for two seconds and recognize that all those rules haven’t been serving you.

The way I work with clients, I actually save nutrition for the last part, because quite honestly, a lot of people know a lot about nutrition already. It’s the problem isn’t because we don’t know enough. It’s almost because we know too much and it’s paralyzing and overwhelming. So I start by breaking down the diet mentality. What are your current influences and why do you keep turning to dieting? And let’s look at how dieting has served you or how it hasn’t. Because ultimately, if we want to become more intuitive eaters and make peace with food and just enjoy food freely. We need to understand that dieting is no longer an option and it’s not the answer. We then move on from there. And I teach my clients to understand their hunger signals, how to make peace with food, and find foods that you actually enjoy. A lot of people, aren’t actually eating foods that you genuinely enjoy. And they are, Oh, I’m just eating this because I feel I should. Or because it will make me this weight. So we bring it back and we look at what foods do you genuinely enjoy? What foods make you feel good? Let’s find a connection there and bring those foods in. And so I take people through a series and this work goes on over a series of months. And that’s because you have to think of, how long have you been dieting for? It’s going to take some time to unpack that and put the new ideas into place and practice them, bring them into your new life.

And so, finally we touch upon the last chapter, which is bringing in nutrition. Basic things to help people feel good. I personally found that managing my blood sugar has been life-changing in terms of how I feel. And I think people often think managing your blood sugar is just a thing for diabetics, but we all have blood sugar. It still affects us in the same way. So I think that’s super important.

So I’ll teach people how to really optimize their breakfast based upon foods that they enjoy. And what can we include here from a nutritional standpoint to make you feel really good? How can we up the protein and fat to keep your blood sugar levels stable all day long? And so take them through different strategies like that, but first, you have to really unpack where are they at now? And what are their goals? A lot of people come to me and they say, Oh, I want to lose 25 pounds. I used to be 25 pounds less and I just want to get back there. And what I dig at is, but what’s really there. What are you actually chasing? Because you’ve been there before, you’ve been twenty-five pounds lighter and you still weren’t happy. So what exactly are you chasing? I think that’s really important when understanding our health goals. And usually, there is something more deep-rooted there.

Sarah: I’m just curious about this when you talk about tracking blood sugar and keeping that pretty balanced throughout the day. Do you use those little machines you can buy to track it and then test at different levels? Or I’m sure there are more details that you go over with your clients, but the basic of it, can you go into that?

Rachel: It’s more a bit generic. So I don’t use any measuring tools. It’s more so knowing how the body works. And so, if we start our day with a very high carbohydrate breakfast, we’re spiking our blood sugar first thing in the morning, even if it’s oatmeal. Yes. Oatmeal has fiber, which is going to slow the release of glucose into the bloodstream, but it’s still going to give you a spike and that’s going to lead to a crash shortly after. So what I try to do is keep the blood sugar levels stable all day long to stabilize energy hormones. And I don’t like to make weight the focus, but from a weight management standpoint, that can also be super important. And also people respond differently to certain foods. I knew I had a blood sugar, well, I didn’t know that it was a blood sugar issue initially, but I knew I had something wrong because I would eat a bowl of oatmeal, and I feel drunk after. It was too much. And so what I’ve learned is that I need to start my day with more protein and fat. So an eggie breakfast with a bit of sweet potato and avocado is awesome for me. And again, that’s what I bring it back to for my clients. Let’s see what you thrive on because maybe that oatmeal works really well for you. We’re all different. So that’s what I’m really trying to find and honor.

Sarah: It’s so important for us to bring that up. It’s just that each person’s body is so unique and so different and even the suggestions that are coming up today, may work for some people and may not work for other people. And that we have to listen to our body. I think we forget that our body’s so wide and it has so many answers. And those symptoms that we try to push away are actually beautiful messages and little alarms or sirens going off telling us, that was good. Or we don’t like this, or we love that. Or we want more of this. We forget to listen to our bodies so much.

Rachel: Totally.

Sarah: So if someone is on a protocol and they completely, air quotes over here, screw up whatever protocol they may be on for eating. Let’s say they ate a few donuts or something. Not even a few, maybe it was just one and they’re still feeling super guilty about that one donut. How can we still be loving to ourselves after we feel we’ve screwed up?

Rachel: That’s a great question. And because ultimately that can happen when you’re following a protocol that might feel a bit restrictive because it’s new. Maybe not what you’re used to. So what I advise is to approach that instead of judgment, as a curiosity. So maybe you look at it and say, okay, eat that donut. Maybe why did I eat it? Or if you are emotional eating or maybe you had a bit of a binge. Maybe you did eat a lot of things. And you have got to that point again. So I would say instead of approaching yourself with that judgment and criticism, which creates that cycle of judgment, criticism, feeling the need to restrict and deprive, but then that leads to a binge again. And we stay stuck in that cycle. Instead of that, why don’t you approach it with curiosity and try to understand and bring awareness to what triggered that situation?

Maybe that binge was rooted in a super stressful day or an imbalance in relationships or friendships in your life or career-wise. And I really try to get people to bring awareness to that too, to understand because it’s never about the food. With eating disorders, with disordered eating, it’s never about the food. It’s always something more deeply rooted. So approach it with curiosity and love the shit of yourself. I want to say, love yourself, but also just give, [inaudible] says, sometimes it’s going to be hard to love yourself, but at least give yourself that self-respect. We need to start with that foundation because starting in a deficit of always criticizing yourself is always going to keep us stuck.

Sarah: All that was really beautifully said. Thank you so much.

Rachel: Thanks.

Sarah: Is there anything else that you feel we didn’t get to, or the audience the listeners need to need to hear or know? Anything that has been unclear that you want to make sure you get your message across.

Rachel: I feel we’ve covered a lot of it. What I’d want to clarify is, I think some people think that intuitive eating or loving your body means giving up because we’ve been taught for so long, to control things if we want to change it. But in fact, simply loving and accepting what is, is the answer to start a happy, strong relationship with our body and with food. And we need, again, to start from that foundation of self-respect. So I guess I’d leave you guys with that.

Sarah: Awesome. Thank you, Rachel. So where can our listeners find and learn more about you?

Rachel: So I’m on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Pretty more so active on Instagram @RachelMMelinda and also rachelmmelinda.com. I have tons of blogs that go every week, and a newsletter, recipes. So lots of goodness there.

Sarah: Awesome. I’ll put all those links in the show notes for our listeners to go click on, and come follow your journey. And all of the amazing offers that you put out into the world. Thank you so much for your time.

Rachel: Oh, thanks for having me.

Thank you so much for tuning into today’s episode. I am beyond honored to hold the space for you, to create this content for you, and to stimulate our brains and make us think in a different way, including me. Those podcasts has shifted the way I have thought as well. And if there’s anything that you took away from this episode or any other episode, I would be so honored and grateful if you would share that with me on social media. Either through a personal message or put it in your Instagram story, tag autoimmune tribe, and know that we’re in this together. That this is truly a community that our paths are interwoven for a reason. And that we get this beautiful opportunity to come together for the greater healing of all of our unique bodies. So, if you loved this episode or any of the other episodes of the Healing Uncensored podcast, please share them with a friend, a loved one, an acquaintance. You never, never know whose life you might be impacting or changing with just a simple share. That’s all for now tribe. I will see you next time. Have a beautiful rest of your day. I love you so much.

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