Listen Here:

In this solocast I’m answering the following empath questions:

• How to live with family who drain you?
• How do I protect my energy so I don’t get sucked into other people’s feelings?
• After realizing you’re an empath, do the feeling/sensations become greater?

Additional Resources:

BOOK: 21 Days of Healing

21 Days of Healing was created out of my own desire to go beyond food and heal on a deeper emotional and spiritual level. I curated the most-loved content based on hundreds of live student’s experience in the course and created this self-guided workbook to help you navigate chronic illness, release emotional inflammation, and find the medicine woman within.

TRAINING: Behind the Scenes of My 6-Figure Biz

Check out the behind-the-scenes of my business + how I scaled to 5-figure months!

MEDIATION: For clearing the energy of a space

Episode Transcript:

Hello friends. Have you noticed that you can get caught up in consuming content or maybe you noticed you are hyper hyper-focused on the doing? Empaths we often consume. And I know because that was me too; soaking up information from all my favorite teachers and mentors. But it wasn’t until I started focusing more on the being and embodiment work that the door to massive clarity was finally unlocked and I no longer got confused about what was my energy versus everybody else’s. I was able to become a more clear channel for creation and as a result, transform my life, business, and health. In fact, my meditation and embodiment practice is what helped me have a nearly $40,000 month this past January, see the highest downloaded month of the podcast, and finally release a lot of unnecessary stress. And my clients felt it and saw it in their lives too.

It wasn’t reading more articles; it wasn’t doing more busywork. So I’m inviting you to graduate from the spongy empath consumer into the self-activated sovereign healer. You can take your podcast listening experience from, ooh, I feel seen, heard, and inspired to holy shit, I actually feel different. My being has shifted. I am the embodiment of the woman I desire to be. The Third Eye Collective is a simple way to upgrade your experience and commit, not only to a meditation practice that compliments your healing but also receive personalized coaching so you can be clear on what direct actions to implement into your highest goals. There are two simple ways to get involved at 11 or $22 a month with no commitment. So if this is calling your name, join this amazing and growing community.

Welcome to the Healing Uncensored Podcast. My name is Sarah Small and I’m a health and mindset coach for women with autoimmune disease just like you. I absolutely love helping you tap into your self-healing power, uncover the energetic side of healing, and release limiting beliefs around your body and your life. Think of this podcast as everything you wouldn’t hear at your doctor’s office. It’s a place for empowered souls to move beyond food and heal themselves on a soul level. I hope you enjoy today’s episode. Now let’s begin.

Welcome. So happy to be here with all of you. Today in Colorado, there is what’s called a bomb cyclone, and it’s some sort of weather phenomenon. But our power keeps going out and our internet’s been out the whole day. I’m barely getting service on my phone and so I thought, you know what? I’m just going to plug in my microphone to my already charged-up laptop that does not require power or internet at the moment to record a podcast episode for all of you. So I’m just looking out my window right now and it is cold. It is snowy, but mostly it is super freaking windy so hopefully, you guys can’t hear that gusty, gusty wind. I am going to chat more about empaths today.

So the other day, it was last week in real time, I recorded an episode on just answering some of the questions that you guys have sent to me through the Autoimmune Tribe Facebook group and Instagram page that are your curiosities, are the questions you have now that you’re realizing, hmm, maybe I am an empath and maybe I do carry other people’s stuff as my own, or feel so deeply in this world, whether it’s the energy of a space or the energy of a person, or just the sensitivities of foods and chemicals and everything else around you as well. So I want to dive in today, a few more of these questions.

How to live with a family who drains you

The first question is from Daniella and she’s asking how to live with family who drains you. I wish we were all sitting in a circle right now because I would ask you to raise your hand and say, who can resonate with this? Who has or had lived with family members who are or were draining for you? And I’m sure in some ways it feels like you’re trapped because you might not either have the ability to, or you’re too young to, or whatever reason, to leave and just get up and go. So you might feel kind of stuck there and I don’t want you to ever feel stuck in your home because our home and the safety of our home, the comfort and balance in our home is part of what balances our root chakra. This is home, money, safety, security, and some of our relationships too and our basic need of love. And so, if you’re feeling really drained in your home environment, then probably also your root chakra is imbalanced. And when your root chakra is imbalanced, then it’s really hard for your body to operate in anything other than survival mode. And we know that survival mode, especially that chronic low-grade state of stress or fight-flight-freeze survival mode leads to illness. So for the empath, it’s especially important to have a home, have a space that feels grounding and safe for you.

So let’s talk about some ways to do this, especially if leaving is not an option. I’m just going to assume that today that you can’t just get up and leave. You might want to stay there; you just need to figure out how to navigate this. So the first tip I have for you is to listen to my meditation. It’s on YouTube; it’s a free meditation. I have a whole YouTube page under Sarah Small, and this meditation is called How to Clear the Energy of a Space. And I want you to listen to that meditation that goes through some visualizations in how to put up these boundaries, these walls, to cleanse, clear out any energy that you don’t need that’s not serving you, and then you also reclaim your power and authority over a space. So you’re clearing any sort of negative energy and then you’re reclaiming your power over ‘this is allowed into my space and my energy, this is not allowed into my space and my energy’. And I would recommend doing that fairly often if you’re living with your family and you feel that constant feeling of draining energy. And this could really apply beyond your family as well. This could also just relate to; do you have a roommate or a friend that you live with who’s draining your energy? Same thing, go listen to this meditation, clear your space.

And hopefully, to Daniella and everyone else listening, you also have a place in your home that is yours or even just a little spot that you can make your sacred space. And it’s important for us to give ourselves space as empaths. So notice, let’s say you just come home from a long day or you do live with your family and your inclination or your habit is to plop down on the couch and relax and be around everyone else that you’re living with. While that’s social and there are beautiful health benefits of community and connection, the empath might actually benefit from starting to rewire some of those habits and actually just going and being alone when she first gets home from work or school or whatever that is and giving yourself space. After you’ve given yourself space, you’ve cleared your energy of the day, then maybe you wander back downstairs and you hang out with your roommates or your family or whoever. But don’t ever be afraid to say, hey, I need space right now, and go into whatever corner of the house is yours. Hopefully, you can close a door. Maybe it’s even just a bathroom and you get into a salt bath or something if you share a room or something like that, and I want you to just give yourself space to breathe, give yourself space to decipher, how do I even feel right now? Because if we’re constantly, as empaths, constantly surrounded by people, especially people who feel draining, then we’re going to feel drained as well unless we create those clear boundaries.

So that’s another tip, which is setting clear boundaries; what is a ‘yes’ for you and what is a ‘no’ for you? And when something’s a ‘no’, can you stand up for yourself and express yourself truly in a real way, an authentic way so that you are putting your foot down and not feeling guilty about saying, hey, I need to go up to my room or I want to eat dinner alone tonight, or, you know what, I’m going to be in the bathroom for half an hour because I’m going to take a salt bath, do you need anything before I go in there? Yes? No? Okay. Now I’m not going to be out for half an hour, please just give me this space. And that’s also a way of setting boundaries around making that space sacred for you. So the ‘yes’ and the ‘no’ in creating your boundaries is also an exercise you can do if you got a piece of paper and you just put a line down the center. So there are two columns on the left and the right. Well, one column on the left and one column on the right. And in the left column, I want you to just think about all of the things that are a ‘no’ for you; so what is not okay with you or a way somebody treats you, what is not okay for someone to say or to act?

This is not about controlling other people but it’s about defining what you’re willing to tolerate and what you’re not willing to tolerate. So a ‘no’ might be when you go upstairs when you get home from a long day and you tell your family, I need 30 minutes alone. Everything’s fine. I just need this for myself, I need this to protect my energy. And a ‘no’ might be then mom coming in anyways. And that would be breaking your boundary that you are creating or she would be breaking that boundary. And then the other side of the page is all of your ‘yeses’. What makes you feel really good in this household? What makes you feel like you are energized versus drained? So a lot of the ‘nos’ are also going to be things that make you feel drained and the ‘yeses’ are going to be things that energize you and that are a ‘yes’. And maybe a family member or a roommate is really helpful in some way and that’s going to be a total ‘yes’ on your boundaries list. So you’re just playing around and looking at ‘what am I willing to tolerate and what am I not willing to tolerate?’ And if it’s simple enough to share with the people that you live with, you could actually share it with them. If you don’t want to do that, that’s okay. Instead, I want you to just start to implement some of those things that are a ‘no’, that are a ‘yes’, and get more confident, clear, and strong around those things. So it’s really a new way of living and declaring your boundaries and stepping into your power.

One other thing that you might try when you do live with anybody who might be draining is to wear protective crystal jewelry. My favorite is Smokey Quartz in this case. I like to wear a single-pointed crystal, so that means there’s a point on one end, and I like the point to face downward. And you can pretty easily find a crystal necklace like this. If it’s not a single-pointed Smokey Quartz, that’s okay. It can be any shape or design of Smokey Quartz. But the reason I do like the point facing down is because the energy of the crystal goes in the direction of that point. And not all crystals are pointed and so their energy, like a circle or oval crystal would be more of just an outward, in-all-directions energy. But pointed crystals point and give off energy in one direction. So if it’s pointing down, you are rooting yourself, grounding yourself down with that shape of that crystal. And then the Smokey Quartz is a protective grounding crystal that’s really good, not only for EMF protection, but also for protection of energy vampires and people who might be trying to break your boundaries or push you to the edge of your boundaries. So I would suggest wearing a Smokey Quartz crystal necklace, single point, pointing downward, if possible. And if you don’t want to wear a necklace or you’re not a necklace kind of girl, then you could also carry that around with you. You can put some in the corners of your room or underneath your bed. There are many other ways to utilize them but the jewelry is simple and then it’s on your body and so you’re carrying that protection with you everywhere you go.

How to protect my energy

All right, next question, from Christina. She says, how do I protect my energy so I don’t get sucked into other people’s feelings? This is the question of the empath because oftentimes we, as empaths, feel like we do get sucked into the sadness or the stress, or even the gossip sometimes. Are you guys guilty of that? I’ve been guilty of that and I’m like, whoa, this is so against everything I stand for. Why am I playing this game and falling into this trap of gossip? But it’s because you are so highly influenced by that energy around you, it’s like you try to mold yourself to it. And the empowered empath with boundaries is able to not get sucked into other people’s stuff. And that could be good stuff or bad stuff, but we want to make sure that you know what is yours and what is not yours. So, first of all, I also suggest that you join the waitlist for my program, Intuitive Soul School. It’s launching again, this spring, probably late spring, 2019 if you’re listening to this in a timely manner after it’s been published. But I host it throughout the year, usually, two times a year and Intuitive Soul School is one of my courses that takes you through several modules. One of them is ‘How to Protect Your Energy as an Empath’. And so we go through so many tools that you get to pick and choose from to be able to protect your energy. And then we also help you awaken your intuition to be even stronger in a really protected, grounded way so you can use it as a strength and a superpower.

So for today, I want to at least give you some steps to start, which is notice your feelings. If you do get sucked into gossip or you go into a room where everyone’s so stressed out and all of a sudden you’re feeling stressed and you’re like five minutes ago when I was walking down the street before I got into this room, I was feeling so happy and excited for the day. I got here and all of a sudden I’m stressed. And then you look around and you’re like, everyone in this room is stressed. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling stressed. Maybe it’s not even my stress; it’s just the energy of this collective energy around me. So as empaths it’s very important to be aware of your feelings. I think that empaths, this is a personal opinion, but I believe that empaths often get misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder because they experience the highs and the lows so quickly in their life based on the people they’re around. And so, you might be walking on the street in your own bubble and your own feelings and your own feelings are pure joy that day and then you walk into a room of stressed out, I don’t know, executives, and this is because you’re going to work or something, and all of a sudden you are so down and depressed and stressed and you’re like, get me out of here. Can this day be over already?

And yes, there’s some environmental influence, but there’s also this energetic influence of the people, the environment that you are around, and how that’s energetically affecting you. So I won’t go too deep into that today but it is normal as an empath, I want to reassure all of you, to feel like your emotions can be a bit of a roller coaster sometimes or that they can switch like a light switch on and off from one thing to another thing, whether that’s the complete opposite or maybe just like a sister emotion. So when you’re noticing your feelings, I want you to always be asking yourself, is this mine? Is this stress mine or is it from the collective energy I’m around in this room, or maybe the collective energy of the earth and the planet? Is there a major turmoil or a war or a tragedy that has happened relatively close to you somewhere on this planet? You might be feeling that. Or if you have children, it might be your kids’ energy or your kids’ emotions and feelings that you’re picking up. So is it mine or is it somebody or something else; somebody else’s. So notice your feelings. Always be asking yourself, is this mine, is this mine?

And another, I guess, secondary question that I would ask myself there is to be taking inventory of when you do have a quick switch in emotion. And when you are walking down the street feeling joyful and then go into a space and then your joy feels like it just got sucked out of you, that might not be anything to do with you. It might just be the energy of where you are. So again, this is why empaths require strong boundaries. Because this ability is super, super magical but if we allow ourselves to be like this exposed heart all day, every day, then it feels very, very wounding. It feels very, very painful. And I know because I’ve been there and I felt very much like the wounded empath that had no idea where to start. So again, go to autoimmunetribecourses.com and click Intuitive Soul School and get on that freaking waitlist because I want to be able to support you. And when you can decipher where the emotion is actually coming from, it allows you to either acknowledge that it is yours or, important part here, release it if it is somebody else’s, and release it much faster because you’re like, oh, this isn’t mine; okay, I can just freely, easily release this and let it go versus if you don’t know it’s not yours, you might carry it and carry it and carry it and eventually it’ll fade away but it won’t release as fast. Hope that makes sense.

Okay, I think we’re going to do one more question for this episode today. This question says, after realizing that you are an empath, do the feelings or sensations become greater? So I would say that you notice them more but as any measurable amount they’re not necessarily greater but they might feel greater because you’re noticing them more. So I find that people take my empath quiz or they listen to a lot of the work that I put out into the world and they identify themselves as, oh, that’s me. I am the empath. And again, as like any measurable amount, they’re not feeling more the day they find out they’re an empath, but they might be noticing, oh, this is what it means to be an empath, oh, I do feel things really deeply. So definitely more awareness in noticing the energy around you. And that energy, those feelings, those sensations can also become more intense when you do start to awaken your intuition. So that would be a situation where this, whatever measurable amount we’re playing with, might actually increase by however many units because you’re awakening your intuition and it’s like you’re opening the door to your third eye. So in that case, yes, they will intensify.

And that’s what I teach in Intuitive Soul School; first, how to open the third eye, how to feel more but based on your command. Maybe you’re a wellness coach or a health coach and you want to use your intuition during that 45-minute call with your client; so how can I turn on that intuition and open up that door during that period of time but then close it afterwards? Because I don’t want to be that open all day, every day. So we learn how to intensify it purposely with intention in specific containers but then also to be able to dim that down when you’re say, in a crowded place, and you’re like, I don’t want to feel everything that everyone else is experiencing right now. This is what leads to panic attacks. So, for example, if you’ve lived your whole life not realizing why things might be affecting you the way that they do and now you do understand why and you have a name for it, you notice, say in that crowd of people, oh my gosh, I’m super overwhelmed, that’s my empath energy taking in the crowd’s emotions versus before, you probably still got really overwhelmed but you just dealt with it or you ignored it or you lived with it and you moved through it.

So, coming back to the question, after realizing you’re an empath, do the feelings or sensations become greater? Not necessarily, but you interpret them and you notice them in a different way. And then they do get greater if then you, along this journey, decide to awaken your intuition, open that door a little more than a crack, like the whole way. So this third eye opening can definitely intensify the feelings and the sensations that you do pick up. And the goal that I teach, at least in my practice, is to be able to do that and intensify those feelings without feeling overwhelmed. Those things do not have to be one and the same. What if we chopped that attachment between intense feelings and overwhelm, and instead, let the intense feelings be very beneficial for you even just making your own personal decisions in life and didn’t have to be paired with also overwhelm. Okay.

So that concludes, this is kind of like a part two of an empath Q&A, but I’ll be back again for more soon. I love to support you all with just diving deeper into the life of an empath and all the different ways this can play out in your life. So thank you so much for being here. And if you aren’t already, come follow on Instagram @autoimmunetribe and then screenshot this episode to let me know if you learned anything new. If you have other questions that you want me to cover in an episode, post that and tag me as well, or you can DM me on Instagram. I love to be able to have conversations with all of you listening. So again, thank you so much for tuning in and I’ll see you next time.

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