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In this episode, I discuss:

In this episode, you will hear me read from my 2015 journal and open up about how my intuition unraveled through the death of my brother, plus how YOU can utilize your own intuition to navigate chronic illness.

 

 

Additional Resources:

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Episode Transcript:

Sarah: Welcome to the Healing Uncensored podcast. My name is Sarah Small. I’m a health and mindset coach for women with autoimmune disease, just like you. I absolutely love helping you tap into your self-healing power, uncover the energetic side of healing, and release limiting beliefs around your body and your life. Think of this podcast is everything you wouldn’t hear at your doctor’s office. It’s a place for empowered souls to move beyond food and heal themselves on a soul level. I hope you enjoy today’s episode. Now let’s begin.

In the days after my brother died, I wrote to him in a purple journal. I picked that journal up today. As I was reading it, I realized that it’s a timeline of my intuition opening and expanding. It’s me, coming home to myself through the loss of my brother. I don’t think death is required for any soul to open up to their intuition. I just think that it has this ability to catapult you closer to your higher self, to know what matters and what really doesn’t, and it allows you to see your soul’s purpose more clearly with new eyes. I think in so many ways this insurmountable loss and this heartbreak and grief is similar to chronic illness as well, where we lose a part of ourselves and we begin to grieve that part of ourselves. And so I just want to share with you some of these unravellings that I was reading in my journal this morning, so you can see how some of the things that feel like they are the worst fucking things that have ever happened in your life can actually be the most beautiful stepping stones for your ultimate growth, finding your soul’s purpose, becoming more in tune with your intuition and aligned in your life.

I’m going to start on July 6th, 2015. I wrote ‘Jordan, my heart hurts. I keep imagining your last day. What happened? Who did you see? Where did you go? What did you do? What thoughts went through your mind? For some reason, I imagine you making a spur-of-the-moment decision. We’ve only put part of the timeline together. For some reason, I imagine you drinking your beers one at a time, sitting in different places in the family room, just contemplating life. I imagine you at some point turning on music and either blasting it or having some sort of solo dance party. I think I want to imagine you happy. Like you knew that you were ready for a new journey and a new world.

July 7th, 2015: Jordan, I know you’ll appreciate this. Mom just came home from work. Her first day back and announced that Grandpa Gary said he loved her. She acknowledged that our family doesn’t say I love you, and that she doesn’t remember her dad saying it until she was 30 years old. I think that’s something that you and I already knew and picked up on, and I think that we consciously chose to act otherwise, but I’m glad that Mom acknowledged it. And I’m glad that even though it’s uncomfortable for most people in our family to say, we’re saying it … finally. It’s silly, but it’s so important. I love you. I hope everyone keeps telling each other that they love them. Wouldn’t this world be a little bit of a better place?

Mom took your body to the crematorium today. She said she sang you a lullaby that she made up when we were little kids. I know you are no longer in your physical body, but I still hope it brought you some comfort. Do you even need comfort anymore? What are you doing? Where did your spirit go? These unanswered questions haunt me. I don’t like not knowing, but then I remember your words – trust the process. I’m trying…and I miss you.

July 10th, 2015: Well, I made it through the week of work. It wasn’t great, but I did what I had to. I spent a lot of time thinking about where you were and what you’re doing. What does the soul look like? What energy form do you take on? Is there a difference between soul and spirit? Does happiness or any emotions exist in your new universe?

July 12th, 2015: Jordan, I think you visited me today. Andrew and I were packing up to head back to Chicago, and I decided to take a picture of your urn on the shelf next to your books and the family photos. So I took this photo at 2:25 PM. Now we are in the car driving back to Chicago. It’s around 4:30 PM. I was looking through my pictures on my phone and at 2:25, right after I took the photo of your urn, my phone has a screenshot. The screenshot is from the camera and the picture of you … I think. At least it looks a lot like you in dark clothes, and the top left and right corners of the frame are white, which look a lot like angel wings. It’s been exactly two weeks since we lost you. Man, I miss you! As we drive back to Chicago now, I’m scared of the reality that will inevitably set in, this morning as we packed up most of your clothes in your room, I felt this heavy energy and I was even a little dizzy. I found the shirt you wore at Grandpa’s 80th birthday. You must not have washed it because boy, it smelled just like you. Your smell, your energy, your presence – they all seem present at Mom’s house. I wonder if you follow us where we go. Come visit me if you can.

July 16th, 2015: I got this message today. Wherever you go, Sarah, there I am appearing as the people, places, and circumstances you’ve expected to see, behaving as you most expected them to behave, crafted as you most expected them to look, brimming with abundance, adventure, and infinite possibilities, because I know that’s exactly what you’ve been visualizing.

July 27th, 2015: I guess I always knew that you struggled and that we all had our own struggles – Anna, Jo, Mom, Dad. Maybe life and my pass so far have prepared me for this. Maybe to make something bigger and greater out of this experience, out of this unimaginable loss. What do I make of this? What do I do? Where do I go? How am I supposed to feel? I aspire to live a full and happy life that would make you proud, that encompasses your bright light, your fullness, your mind, your spirit, your kindness, and your acceptance of all. How well or can I do that, I don’t know yet. I just know that I had this little fire inside me today. A feeling I haven’t felt in a while. The days that seem to be less grey, when there is something to live for. Jordan, I will live for you and I will carry you with me -always. And maybe you can journey with me as part of the universe as a bright white or blue light that shines beautifully among us, with us and above us, giving us warmth and comfort as we live out each of our own journeys, lessons, sorrows, achievements, losses, wins and joys.

Jordan, if you’re here among us now, I’m open to receiving you – your messages, your love, your presence. I will listen. I will keep my eyes open. I will consider new possibilities. I will expand my horizons. I will slow down and breathe and observe and maybe then, we’ll be able to meet again. Until then, I’ll shine bright thinking of you, sending out my light beams like the lighthouses at sea, thinking maybe you’ll pick up my message, my signal, my love. Missing you always, your sister Sarah.

Now it may not seem like it, but the story actually has a happy ending and your intuition is your greatest freaking superpower and I want to help you tap into your intuition the way my brother helped me tap into my intuition. Your intuition is that kind, loving, inner voice inside of you. It is your inner guide, your higher self, and the “you-y-est” you on this freaking planet. It is so authentic and you can use your intuition as your guide to this traffic on this highway that is autoimmune disease, and you can use your intuition as a soulful way to find your inner healing and your inner truth, to tap into what ails you and your unique body. Your intuition provides you the wisdom of your subconscious mind in order to bust through old blocks, and become more in tune with your surroundings. Through this newfound awareness, we can align with a life that we freaking love.

Now, here are some super practical ways that you can use your intuition to become your own greatest healer in this journey that is a chronic illness. Dr. Mark Hyman wrote and said, “rather than watering the leaves of a withering tree, we must tend to the tree’s roots so it can thrive on its own”. My point here is, that as we mosey around day to day life, we are only using our conscious mind, but there is so much buried in the subconscious. What if we could access that? What if we could use that access point to get to the root of our illness and understand the emotional component of disease? Ever since my brother passed, I’ve been using my intuition to help me heal my chronic illness and this journey has been incredible. It has been life-changing and it has been a little mind-blowing. So just to be clear, intuition is turning the light on. It is digging deeper for answers, but knowing that your body already has all the answers inside of it. It is seeing possibilities, many outcomes, and different turns and paths you can take to heal. It is connecting you on your life’s path and bringing you into alignment. It is creating more harmony in your life so you can feel less ‘ugh’, less ‘what the fuck’, and less frustration. It helps you live a life you love from a soulful place. It can be used in the most practical situations like picking out supplements.

An example of what this would look like is when you are at the health food store or wherever you purchase your supplements, you can actually grab the bottle and you can try this out with different brands as well. And you hold the bottle, say it’s vitamin D and you hold that vitamin D up to your chest and you see, does your body press into and move forward into that bottle of supplements, or does it back away from it? Are you drawn to it? Are you attracted to it because your body craves it, or does your body start to resist and avoid and back off? Before I have practitioners and doctors sending me nasty emails, I should note that this is not a substitute for deciding what supplements to start or stop in your healing protocol. But for me, it’s a beautiful way to keep checking in and seeing if my body is craving this thing, attracted to it, or backing away from it.

There are other ways you can utilize your intuition in healing as well. For example, you can use muscle testing to figure out what your blocks might be to healing, and this can help you breakthrough that plateau you may be experiencing. It can also help you tap into what food sensitivities you may have without having to do a blood test. Any emotional experiences that may be unprocessed and stored in your body, figuring out what are those emotional experiences that are not processed that you’re still holding the weight of, and then where are they residing in your body? Are they in your tissues or your joint or your skin? You can also use your intuition to help you better understand the triggers for your anxiety if you experience anxiety.

And then one of my favorite ways to tap in and trust my intuition is when I’m deciding if there is a new doctor, practitioner, functional diagnostic, nutrition, chiropractor, herbalist, cupping specialist, etcetera, which one should I work with? Who feels aligned? What does my intuition, my gut instinct, tell me about this person, their energy, and whether or not they’ll actually be the person that is most well suited and aligned for me to work with on my healing path?

So I’ve spent some time today sharing with you the unraveling and the timeline as you can see me start to step into my intuitive self and trusting the universe and trusting my gut instinct. And I’ve told you some of the ways that you can actually utilize your intuition to make important decisions in your healing protocols. Now, if you want to learn more about how, the how, the 1-2-3-4-5 step processes for how to use your intuition, to trust it, to know the difference between intuition and fear, to know the difference between intuition and ego, and to be able to utilize this as one of the greatest tools in your healing toolbox, then I invite you to join me for Intuitive Soul School.

Intuitive Soul School is a brand new course that I am launching. It starts April 9th and the cart closes April 4th. It is for the people who want to take charge of their empath abilities, instead of letting the empath in them be controlling. It is for the intuitive soul who may be suffering from the symptoms of blocked off energy and that’s going to show up in your life through things like indecision, confusion, overwhelm, and probably boatloads of anxiety. This Intuitive Soul School is for the empowered human who is curious about their inner knowing, how to harness this ability into their greatest strength, and for the soul that lacks confidence in this power is probably questioning themselves right now saying, am I really an empath? Can I really start to tap into my intuition? What the hell does that even look like? Holy shit, that’s kind of scary. And what I want to do is provide a platform for you to feel safe tapping into your intuition so you can really see your true potential.

So if you are someone who feels like it’s easy to feed into other people’s energy, you have a clear knowing when someone is lying, you feel overwhelmed in crowded places. You wish that you could use this. You know it’s there. You know there’s something inside of you that’s really sensitive and it has a deeper understanding of people’s energy than maybe some of the people around you, but you want to learn how to use it actually as a tool to help other people, not only yourself but rest of the world because empaths are natural healers. We want to help, right?

This is for you. It is for you if you want that clear, crystal clear understanding of your intuition and the ability to receive more of these intuitive downloads. So you can go from Sarah, when we started this podcast episode in July 2015, the beginning of the month, and start to unravel the way that you saw some of my unraveling into the confident, grounded, intuitive soul that feels safe. So I want to help you go from fearful and unsure empath to intuitive bad-ass. Enrolment is now open. I will link to the sales page in the show notes, and I would love, love, love for you to join me for this first round of Intuitive Soul School.

Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to today’s episode. I hope it has opened your eyes to the possibilities of your intuitive power and all that you are freaking capable of. That’s all for this time, and I’ll see you next time.

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