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WELCOME TO THE FOOD ANXIETY MINI SERIES! PART 2

These conversations are based around food fear, anxiety, disordered eating, intuitive eating, and changing our relationship to food.

Find Part 1 Here

Find Part 2 Here

Find Part 3 Here

Find Part 4 Here

Find Part 5 Here

In this episode, we discuss:

I chat with Molly Seifert, a Health Coach who coaches women on how to trust themselves around food again! Molly’s story really began with digestive issues like so many women.

Eventually, she started experimenting with elimination diets, had some success but it ultimately morphed into some disordered eating mentalities around emotional and binge eating, restricting and orthorexic tendencies.

Now she helps women end their war with food, trust themselves again and feel at home in their bodies!

Additional Resources:

BOOK: 21 Days of Healing

21 Days of Healing was created out of my own desire to go beyond food and heal on a deeper emotional and spiritual level. I curated the most loved content based on hundreds of live students experience in the course, and created this self guided workbook to help you navigate chronic illness, release emotional inflammation, and find the medicine woman within.

PRODUCT: Let’s Get Checked

LetsGetChecked is all about personal health testing, making healthcare and health screening open and patient-led, empowering people to use technology in a simple but powerful way and giving greater control of their personal health. Use code EMPATH for 20% off.

FREE OPT IN: 30 Tips for Healing Chronic Illness

Discover some not-so-average tools for cleaning up your lifestyle, ditching toxic thoughts, and bringing more love into your life!

Episode Transcript:

Welcome to the Healing Uncensored podcast. My name is Sarah Small, and I’m a health and mindset coach for women with autoimmune disease just like you. I absolutely love helping you tap into your self-healing power, uncover the energetic side of healing and release limiting beliefs around your body and your life. Think of this podcast is everything you wouldn’t hear at your doctor’s office. It’s a place for empowered souls to move beyond food and heal themselves on a soul level. I hope you enjoy today’s episode. Now let’s begin.

Welcome to part two of this mini series on food anxiety. Today, I’m going to be chatting with my first guest Molly Seifert. She is a health coach who coaches women on how to trust themselves around food again. And as you’ll hear today, Molly’s story really began with her own issues, specifically digestive issues, like so many other women out there, many of you probably can relate. So let’s dive into this episode and see what we can learn from Molly.

Sarah:   Hi Molly. Welcome to the show.

Molly:  Hi, I’m so excited to be here.

Sarah:   I’m so excited to have you and just have a really raw open conversation about food, and food anxiety and how eliminations can be really helpful, but also that there can be some fear around them as well. And I think when we first connected about this topic, I said it in a way that elimination diet gone bad. So I would love for you to start just by telling the audience a little bit about your own personal healing story. And I don’t even know the entirety of it, but I know that you’ve struggled with some digestive issues, that then, led you to experiment with elimination diets. So tell us more about that, and how your healing story has kind of evolved and your journey.

Molly:  Yes. Like you mentioned, my healing journey really started with some digestive issues. I think it was, I was in college and I just started to realize that like, what was going on was actually not normal. And I thought it was for so long. So of course I went to a normal doctor and they diagnosed me with IBS, just like so many other people, just that kind of catch all diagnosis, which was fine. They gave me some medication, which I think, looking back, I’m sure it was like an antispasmodic. And it helped, I did feel better digestively. I was really struggling with a lot of gas and then I was back and forth between constipation in the other end. We’re getting real, real right into it today. As I said, it’s something that so many people struggle with, so I’m sure no one’s judging me. And if you are, you’re probably listening to the run podcast.

Sarah:   This is true.

Molly:  Anyways. So they gave me an antispasmodic, I felt better, but I was getting headaches and I was restless and just wasn’t feeling good otherwise. My digestion started to feel a little bit better, but I was, I just don’t want to put up with this. I don’t want to take medication for the rest of my life. And so, I started to look into other ways to figure that all out. So as I went through that, my boss at the time, her husband had celiac. And so, that was my introduction to the gluten-free world. And so she was gluten-free. She did not have celiac, but she had gone gluten-free as well and felt better. So she was, why don’t you start experimenting with this?

So I went gluten-free and I felt a lot better. But I wasn’t a hundred percent. I still was not feeling awesome all the time. And so then, I went dairy-free as well. So I was strictly gluten-free and dairy-free for probably, I would say probably three or four years, pretty hardcore gluten and dairy free. And I was that person that, I didn’t have celiacs, but I was super rigid about cross-contamination and making sure that literally every single thing was a hundred percent gluten-free when I really didn’t have to. So that was the start of my obsession around just food in general, but it started with these food intolerances. So time went on, I kept being gluten-free and dairy-free, and then I went to grad school and that’s when, I’m calling it my quarter-life crisis just started happening.

I was in grad school for something that I was, I don’t even know if I want to do this anymore. I had a relationship that was crumbling around me. I had family issues that were crumbling around me. So it was just very typical classic quarter-life crisis. And the only thing I knew how to control at that point in my life was my food. So it started to get even more obsessive. And at the time it wasn’t other food intolerances, that happened later. But at the time it was calorie restriction, constantly just obsessing about how clean my food was, if it was gluten-free. Again, I was living with other people at the time and so I was so obsessed if they were using my pots and pans or my Tupperware.

And looking back now, I’m like, Oh my gosh, for not being a celiac, that was kind of crazy. If you have celiac it’s a totally different story, that stuff is important. but I just got so obsessed with all of that stuff. And so that turned into disorder eating mentalities. I definitely, at the time, orthorexia wasn’t a really super recognized clinical diagnosis. I did end up seeing a therapist and she didn’t really diagnose me with anything specific, but looking back, I’m pretty sure I was a clinical orthorexia state for sure. But definitely had those disordered eating mentalities that I was trying to restrict my calories then to 1,200 calories. Which is hilarious to me now, looking back. But I think that’s a common story for so many women, we think, Oh, we need to restrict calories if we want to lose weight. And so we like take it to an extreme and 1,200 for a 30 year old woman. I’m 30 now, I wasn’t at the time. I was younger and even more active than I am now. That was not okay. I was running half marathons. I was biking to work. I was probably expending 2,600 calories in a day so it wasn’t enough. So I would go on this restrict cycle and then I’ll go on a binge cycle, with everything else that was going on. I just went into this shame hole, this guilt hole of, Oh my gosh, I’m never going to achieve these things that I want. And of course I attached these weight goals to being accepted and feeling loved and all of that stuff. And I think that’s such a common story as we mistake these fitness goals and these body goals for acceptance, and love, and belonging. And that’s totally what happened to me.

So eventually I did realize okay, what’s what I’m doing here is not okay. It’s not normal. So I went to go see a therapist that helped. I got myself out of that binge or that restrict cycle and I just actually straight binged for awhile. And so I gained quite a bit of weight, but I know that period was so necessary for me because when you restrict for so long and you feel so guilty about those binges. There is a period of time where a lot of people have to not restrict anymore, and just give themselves what they were withholding for so long and it was very healing. It was also really scary at the time because I was, Oh my gosh, I’m gaining weight. I just don’t feel really good in my body anymore.

But eventually, because it’s part of the journey, you reached a point where you’re, okay, I’m ready to be a little bit more even keeled here. And so then, that’s when I started to experiment with other foods and see what other food intolerances I had. So I was getting away from some of that disordered eating mentality, but there were still some digestive issues that were going on. So I experimented with so many things and I, at one point had this crazy long laundry list of things that I was, no, I just can’t eat those things. I’ve done the whole 30, I’ve done sugar detoxes. I did, more recently, I did a stripped elimination re-introduction and didn’t actually get a lot of answers from it. And I was, I’m still not feeling super digestively great.

And I was talking to my doctor and I’m really glad I found him. He’s a DO,, but also into functional medicine. So he’s still bills insurance. I’m like so grateful I found him. And he was really open to talking about all these food intolerances and it clicked with me, he did mention stress. And I was, I think I’m just freaking out way too much about these foods. And it’s causing me to not digest them well, because when our body wants to rest and digest, that’s when it creates all those enzymes, and hormones and stuff, to actually digest things well. And I think I was preventing my body from fully getting into that state. And so, I think that was the moment where I was just you know what, I’m going to do this intuitive eating thing. I’m going to start just eating what I feel like I want to eat at the time and going into it without a preconceived idea of what’s going to happen after I eat it. And instead just see what happens. And be open to it being a different outcome than it used to be. And for a lot of foods, it really helped. And for some other foods, I was, okay, yes, this definitely doesn’t sit well with me. Or I just need to have less of it or whatever it is. So it’s just finding that balance for me.

But yes, there were some foods that I was, Oh, wow this actually doesn’t bother me that much. Even with gluten, I can have a piece of [inaudible 10:14] toast and be okay. I was like what? I could have some gluten and be all right? So yes, that’s the long story of my long story. And now, I definitely still have some digestive reactions, but I think it’s just my mindset about it is different. It’s just more of a, Oh, well. I was with my family and enjoying the time and we had a good time, and I enjoyed the food, and now I am having some digestive issues today, but they’ll go away. And I think it is a bit different for people with very serious autoimmune conditions. Of course, there’s going to be very specific things that just don’t work for your body. But I think so many of us just get so obsessed with those things as well. And it just manifests in that digestive problem that you thought the food was causing, it it’s just a vicious cycle.

Sarah:   Yes Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think that so many people are going to relate to that and I relate to it in many ways as well. Even the beginning of when I was in college and I’m, okay, something’s not right here. You think it’s normal or for me, I was, Oh, this is just a hangover or something. But it was not. And then, I went on this whole journey of finding out multiple autoimmune diseases. But I’d love for you to talk a little bit about the elimination diet. And you did, it sounds like a self-guided version, but then, whole thirties kind of a microcosm of elimination diet, without the specific reintroduction phases and everything. So can you talk about what was good about elimination diet versus what was,, at least immensly, really challenging or maybe it was potentially harmful for you? Not hating on elimination diets completely, but I think it’s really important for us to bring to light that, there’s benefit in doing the elimination diet, but there can also be some just unintended, unexpected consequences, where then you’re so controlling over food. And in my case, I’m thinking about even nightshades that I eliminated for a really long time, because of the AIP (Autoimmune Paleo Protocol). And then, it was all of a sudden my brain, just categorized all nightshades as evil. When they actually are not all evil. And comes when I was reintroduced and I’ve actually done completely fine with now, after doing some healing of my gut. So what’s your opinion on that? Do you feel there could be some pros and some cons there?

Molly:  Oh yes, totally. So like I said, I’ve done a number of them and I think first and foremost, making sure that your mindset is in the right space when you’re going into these resets. I think so. And a couple of clients of mine I’ve been, Hey, I don’t think we’re ready. I don’t think our mindset is there yet. I think you’re still so focused on weight loss or controlling your sugar addiction. And that might not necessarily be the case for all the people listening to this type of a podcast. But so important to go into it more of as a student of yourself and your body, than trying to control something. And so I think that is first and foremost of, this is truly just like being a scientist, of myself and my digestion and what’s going on. And I’m just here to learn and take notes, not to control some sort of outcome. And so I think that’s how I went into my actual AIP reset, which was good. And I, during the entire thing, I didn’t feel crazy. Whereas, with some other resets, earlier on, I just felt like this crazy person, I can’t have these things. But with the AIP one, it was even more restrictive than Whole 30 or a sugar detox, but I felt like it was just a totally different mindset. I was, I’m just learning about my body and what works for it and what doesn’t.

So I think that is first and foremost. And if you have some disordered eating mentalities, it’s so important that you’re seeking help before you do something like that. It’s not that you can’t ever do them. And I actually do think they give you so much good information. But it’s just so important that you’re in the right head space. And I think so many people are not. And so many of those programs do say this is not a weight loss diet. So they’re saying those things that people don’t really typically look inside deep enough to recognize, Oh, I actually am doing this for weight loss. I need to hold off and work on those things first.

Sarah:   Yes. I love how you said you’re just being a student of your body. I think that that is magical. I love that. If we are all just listeners and students, that we can likely gain so much more out of that experience, than if we are just trying to control and micromanage. And I know that I have that version of Sarah inside of me. Which is Sarah, the controller, [inaudible 15:32] for everything. And when you are talking about food and eliminating a lot, even whole food groups, in order to heal your gut there could be this feeling of lack. And it’s just, ‘lacks’ isn’t, the best word I have for it, I guess. And did you ever feel that feeling of lack around food when you were restricting? And were there any things that helped you not feel like you were just in this entire state of lack wall, on an elimination diet?

Molly:  I think I didn’t have that in the most recent one. Again, because I went in with that mindset, but in earlier Whole30s and especially sugar detoxes definitely felt… I remember so vividly the first sugar detox I did. I felt like a straight up addict for three days. I would wake up and be , Oh my God, I need sugar. I just literally felt like a crazy person. So definitely felt the lack there, for sure. But I think, again, it just goes back to, what are you trying to gain from these things? And is a sense of freedom? Is it a sense of self-trust? What exactly you’re trying to gain from those things? And what can you do for yourself that doesn’t involve controlling or micromanaging? What can you do for yourself now? Before you try to do those things, and working on those things first, because then you’re coming from a place of, I’ve given myself permission to trust myself. I’ve given myself these things. I’ve given myself the abundance that I was seeking, without doing these crazy controlling things to try to get there in the first place.

So yes, I definitely felt that lack, especially with… I like remember it so vividly that desire, and craving, and craziness. And of course, yes, is there like a physiological component to a lot of those things, especially sugar? Yes, absolutely. And sometimes, maybe it is necessary, but again, going in with the right mindset. And I think that abundance versus laxing is really important to keep in mind.

Sarah:   So what advice would you give to somebody or probably, also the women, the clients that you work with, around, if they’re feeling like they might be in this orthorexia state. Or they’re having disordered eating now that they’ve done an elimination diet. So it sounds, first of all, if you’re considering it, go in with that really strong mindset and feeling of abundance and I’m just going to be the student of my body. But also for the people who are in it and having all these anxious thoughts around food, what advice would you give them?

Molly:  I would say get help. No matter how you’re getting help, starting somewhere is better than nothing. Whether it’s just going on Instagram and starting to follow people that are in the same place. Even if it’s just an online community, I think that’s really, really helpful. I was really lucky that my two best friends struggled with disordered eating in high school, and then, earlier in college. So I was just talking to them about my life problems and because they had gone through the same thing, they started to recognize things that I was saying. And so they helped me realize it that what was going on wasn’t normal. And I was going down that path of disorder eating. And so I think it’s just so important to ask for help. And if you don’t feel comfortable talking to people in your life, there are people in the world available to us because of this amazing thing called the internet. That you can find a group of people that are supportive, and when you’re ready to get professional help, whether that be a therapist or a coach, whatever feels comfortable to you. I think there’s a lot of different routes that you can go. But honestly, if there’s some sort of mentality roadblock that you feel is abnormal and you don’t know how to overcome that obstacle alone, most people can’t really overcome that obstacle alone, truthfully. Everybody needs some sort of help. It’s so important to seek help and it really helps me a lot, even though the first therapist that I went about that, I don’t think was the best therapist I’ve ever seen. But it was still so important for me to do that and just start that journey and feel supported.

Sarah:   Can you talk a little too about, so you hinted at this, in your own healing process about really there being a lot of emotional roots to the behavior around food and it’s that feeling of lack, and constriction, and control, and how food can then sometimes replace love in our lives, and these deeper, deeper layers that we might not see on the surface. So either in your own story, or maybe even in some examples that you’ve seen in your own work, in your own coaching, how has there actually some emotional roots in this whole process as well?

Molly:  Oh my gosh. It’s so important and I think for everyone, I’m going to say that it boils down to shame and feeling like you’re not enough. I honestly think that and everybody’s story is a bit different. But if we boil it down to the core of it, there was something that happened in your life that you still feel shameful aboutt. Or that maybe it’s still happening, and you have created a story, and other people have either added to it. Or maybe it was really just you creating it, that somehow, somewhere what you’re doing, who you are is not enough. And whether that’s, you’re not smart enough, you’re not funny enough, or it can be little things as well, that just tend to manifest. I think that was such a huge part of my story is that I was, and still am, a recovering perfectionist.

I was just so hardcore that I had to achieve things. I felt my worth was attached to achievement. And I think it was very much so my environment that I grew up in, not necessarily my parents. I think there was some component that they added to it. And I know my parents would probably listen to this, so they love me hard for sure. But I also grew up in a very competitive school system. It was a very highly ranked high school and I was smart, and I was a smart kid. And so, I got my validation and felt my worth through achievement. And eventually, when that’s all you focus on. And like I said, I don’t think it was that there was a lack of love. I think my parents love me hard, but for whatever reason, I focused on the achievement part, and not necessarily the, “we love you for whatever you do, Molly”. It was, great job achieving this, you’re taking this many AP classes and whatever. So I just focused so hard on the achievement, and the external validation of other people noticing my achievement.

And so, I went to college, I got a job. I went to grad school and then I was, Oh my God what is happening? I’m not happy, but I’ve achieved all these things. And here I am and I’m not happy. And so again, I think that the control with food, I couldn’t control anything else that I thought that I should do. Again, just thinking about what I think people want me to do. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard this, but have you heard of the term ‘shoulding on yourself’?

Sarah:   Yes.

Molly:  So I should, I should all over myself. No more shoulding yourself. But I think just eventually, it’s going to implode. If you’re focusing on external validation, like I was, eventually, you’re going to reach a point where you’re not happy. And it’s because you’ve lost sight of who you are, and you’ve created this being of what you think you should be. And I just wasn’t who I was.

Luckily for me, I don’t think it was too far off of the path that I couldn’t get myself back. And I don’t think it really ever is too far off the path for anybody to get back. You just might need some extra help. But yeah, that’s my story, is that I just focused so hard on perfection, and achievement, and people pleasing that I never really took the time to become a student of me again. Coming back to that and what do I want, instead of waking up and thinking, what do I want to create today? What do I want with my life today? I would wake up and think, okay, what should I do today? What do I need to do to achieve these things, so that I can meet other people’s needs? It just got into a dangerous hole. But I think that’s such a common story.

Sarah:   It is. You’re telling part of my story as well. I had to relearn how to replace should with could. I resonate so much with okay, achievement equals worth, but that achievement doesn’t equal happiness. But I thought, okay, well, if I feel worthy, I’ll be happy. And so, as long as I build this amazing thing, or score a bunch of goals in soccer games, or good on plays, or whatever, then I will achieve something. I’ll be worthy, then I’ll feel love and I’ll be happy. And it just, like you said, it doesn’t always work in that very pinpoint. I’m seeing attachments to each of these things that are not necessarily the path to happiness. And so, then, what happened for me was, it was, okay, here I am, but I’m actually achieving a lot. Type-A people, pleaser, all of those things that you were describing, but then really unhappy. And then, eventually, just really burnt out too. Because you’re, well then, okay. I just need to achieve more and then I’ll be happy. Okay, I’m not happy yet. I better achieve more, then we’ll be happy. And there’s not a clear connection, at least in my body, to achievement and happiness. And that was such an important lesson for me personally, to learn. But also, I had to redefine, okay, then what is worthy? If worthy is not just achievement, how can I look at a more holistic perspective of worthiness? And then, also, like you said, ask yourself questions. What does make me happy? Because clearly this isn’t working. So if there’s somebody who is trying to rethink their mindset around food and they’re stuck in some of these emotional patterns. And maybe, they’re seeing themselves in your story and my story as well, how can they get a little unstuck out of that pattern And how would even redefine maybe worthiness for you as well?

Molly:  Well, so many good questions. I think to get yourself unstuck, you just have to start asking yourself new questions. And I think that’s part of surrounding yourself in those communities where people are asking these questions. This is totally a shameless plug, but I just wrote a journal guide because I felt, I just did a journal guide that somebody else created and I was, Oh my gosh, this would be perfect for people that are in that place where they’re just confused about what’s going on with food and their body and they’re just so obsessed. So I created this journal guide. So that’s one way to do it. If you want to journal. Or listening to podcasts, people that are talking about these things, so that you can, because I think you’re right. I think sometimes we don’t really realize these things are happening, and we’re never going to realize them until we’re exposed to them. So that’s why I think this little mini series you’re doing about this food anxiety is super cool, because I think so many people don’t realize it’s even happening.

Sarah:   That’s so true [inaudible 27:44]. Like you said, you’re restricting your calories, or in my case this labeling nightshade vegetables as…

Molly:  I do the same thing.

Sarah:   And then you’re so zoned into this specific set of rules and you want to follow the rules. You want to be perfect to following the rules, that you forget to zoom out and be, why am I doing this in the first place? Wait, wasn’t this supposed to be a temporary thing? Not this thing that I do for my entire life. And it’s different in the case of a lactose intolerance with dairy, or celiac disease with gluten, but generally, elimination diets are not for years and years and years. All of a sudden though, you’re so zoned in that you’re doing this for years and years and years, and you feel like you can never eat anything. And probably, I’m making the assumption here, but probably aren’t very happy and don’t enjoy eating food. So were you able to bring joy back o food, to nourishing your body?

Molly:  Yes. There’s a couple of things that I’ve done. One was, I just made a list mentally about all these food rules and all these things that I’ve done. And just looking back at that, and seeing all the rules and being, Oh my gosh, wow, I had a lot of rules, even though I thought I was out of that diet mentality, I still had a lot of rules. I also asked myself, what foods was I restricting that I actually really love? What was I taking out that I love? So it was things like, I do like bread, but I actually don’t really eat it all the time. So I reintroduced it and I felt super in control about bread, but if I want some avocado toast, I will happily have some gluten-free was an avocado on it and be so happy.

One thing that I’ve recently reintroduced and it has not been quite as in control, (full disclosure) is I restricted cereal. I love cereal. I don’t know what it is about cereal. But I haven’t felt as in control with cereal as I did with bread, and toast, and stuff. For some reason, I dunno what it is, I finally feel I’m coming out of that. I think you have to reintroduce things and let yourself have it, when you want it. And I definitely did feel before, when I would have cereal, I would literally have. This was when I was restricting it, telling myself I can’t have it, but then of course, sometimes you say, okay, well I just really want it. And I would have three bowls of cereal in a row.

I don’t need to eat three bowls of cereal. I was clearly eating past my satiety cues. So now, I’ll just eat one bowl and be totally satisfied. But I’m having it often, every day for a month. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Again, it’s just noticing how do I feel after that? Do I feel full for a long time? Am I getting an energy slump? I get a little, I haven’t gotten this from cereal, but I get it if I eat too much cheese. I’ll get this eczema on my fingers, so I know. It’s just noticing those kinds of things instead of just focusing again, like you said, so zeroed in on the rule. Take yourself back and look at like kind of the whole picture. So I’ve done that, reintroduce things that I actually really love. And, just asking myself the question, do I actually really love eating this? Maybe there’s something that you’re forcing yourself to eat that, you just actually don’t like. So you probably don’t need to eat it.

And then lastly, one of the biggest things, that’s been really healing for me in a lot of different areas in my life is, just recognizing that, and accepting giving myself permission, to just do the best I can with the tools I have every day. And I think that was one big thing that I needed to recognize for myself, and also towards others. I think as a perfectionist, we won’t admit it, but we’re also judging everybody else, because we’re judging ourselves so hard. And so, that was part of my healing journey over the last couple of years, was that I just had to recognize that everybody’s doing the best they can with the tools they have. And if you recognize, Oh, I’m actually not doing the best I can right now? If you have that mentality, you are so much more gentle to yourself. You’re, it’s okay. It’s all right, that you weren’t doing the best you can, but now you can. Permission slip, here, go do the best that you can with the tools that you have. So I think that’s a Berné Brown thing. I don’t know if you’re a Berné Brown fan.

Sarah:   I love her.

Molly:  I really love her. Somebody asked me the other day, if I could have lunch with a celebrity, who would it be? And I said Berné Brown. And they were, who’s Berné Brown. And I was, Oh boy.

Sarah:   You need to know her.

Molly:  You need to know her. I was on a date, that date didn’t work out very well obviously. If you don’t know Berné Brown is, this just can’t work.

Sarah:   Yes. Not a good partner.

Molly:  Right. But yes, I think recognizing that we’re all just doing the best we can, with the tools we have, has been just so healing for me. So yes, that’s what I’ve done to start, to ask different questions, reintroduce things that I love, because when you’re restricting those things that you love, you’re probably not feeling pleasure while you’re eating. And I think that’s the other thing that I realized too. I think, eating became such a control thing, and almost even a punishment thing, as well, but also a numbing thing. It became all of these things and so, the pleasure was totally taken out of it. And I think that people in that diet mentality and that restriction mentality, think that eating food shouldn’t be pleasurable. And I was just so wrong. It really should be, it really should be. So I think that’s been important for me.

Sarah:   I relate to that in my own sugar detox as well. So it was a serious addiction, like you’re saying too. Over a year now, without any added sugar, even some high sugar fruits, for my own personal, healing reasons. I love sugar.

Molly:  Who doesn’t?

Sarah:   I love sugar. I love dessert. Well, now my fiancé, he is not a huge sweets guy. And so, he’ll have a cookie every once in a while, but it’s just not a thing. And I’m, what is wrong with you? I love brownies, and cake, and cupcakes, and cookies. I could go on and on. Well, I haven’t had any of that. And so what I had to do, because I was, okay, I’m not eating these things, but now, I feel this lack again. I feel this almost just resentment towards my body, where it’s, why can’t you tolerate sugar anymore? I’m grrr, angry at you. And so, what I did was find some alternatives that I was excited to eat that felt like dessert, that still felt like this deliciousness. Like that sweet treat but without, so I use a lot of monk fruit, not every day, but when I am having something sweet as a substitute. And then, all of a sudden my body was, it stopped clenching and being pissed off, me not eating sugar.

And instead it was, Oh, thank you for finding something that [inaudible 35:16] of, I get this sweet, special treat without the thing that was really hurting my body. And I hope to reintroduce it someday, but it’s just for me right now, sugar is not working with me. So that motion came from finding the alternative. So I want you to tell us too Molly, if I were coming to work with you, what does that look like? Do you one-on-one coaching? Do you do a group program? Where do you start with people when they do come to you seeking help and support? Like you said, it’s so important to have that sense of community. Your accountability partner or even just a friend. Like you said, you had those two friends that supported you as well.

Molly:  Yes, for sure. So I do one-on-one coaching right now, I’m hoping to eventually do group coaching, but right now I’m just doing one-on-one. And so, when clients come to me, they typically are just feeling crazy around food or they just are confused about what they should do. And they’re just totally done feeling obsessed about food and their bodies, and they just don’t feel comfortable in their bodies. So, I typically work with people for, it’s usually been six months, since usually it is how it ends up happening. And e started off by working through their stories and what’s going on. I actually have had some people choose to do some sort of elimination diet, just to get clear on what works for them and what doesn’t. And other clients, either haven’t been ready to do that, or it just doesn’t fit into exactly what they need at the moment.

So it’s all individualized. Of course, they do have a structure of things that I think you should hit. But yes, it’s one-on-one and yes, these women, by the end, are feeling a lot more comfortable around food. I think a really common story that I hear, and was a common for myself as well, is that, you go to family parties and you just feel so anxious, because there’s a bunch of off limits food. And then, it’s starting to affect your personal life. And I’ve had so many women be, I just don’t feel comfortable in my body. So now, when I’m intimate with my partner, I’m either feeling the lights have to be off, or I just need to be under the covers, or something, and they just don’t want that. So this, it affects so much.

And so, I think the women that come to me are just tired of it impacting their lives so much. And one of my favorite things that one of my clients said was, she just felt she just opened up so much space in her brain for other things, because now she’s not thinking about food 24/7. And I think that’s just so powerful, and exactly what I want for my clients, because I felt the same way.

Sarah:   I love that. Yes, because it can be all consuming in your head. I’ve gone to those periods in my own elimination diet and healing where it’s, literally I’m just thinking about either what I’m going to eat later, or how I might not be able to eat wherever later. So planning ahead. I believe in planning ahead, and making food that makes you feel really good. But if it’s consuming all of your time and your thoughts, that’s where again, we want to zoom out and consider why. Create some space for some other things joy and love and other types of abundance in our life. So I love that your clients were able to experience that through working with you. I’m glad you brought up that social part too. So starting to wrap up here, but there’s such a social component to eating, to food. Conviviality. And I think we especially are in the spotlight or the spotlight gets put on what we cannot eat versus what we can eat, when we’re in these social settings. How have you navigated that? And then, how do you typically recommend to your clients navigate that?

Molly:  Oh, such a good question. I just looked back, I have this story that I tell often. So my family makes these things that we call stacks. And it’s literally pancake stacks, but we stack them with a bunch of other foods. So one of our classic ones is pancakes, barbecue pork, candied apples, and bacon or something ridiculous. And we just stack these pancakes up, and it’s this big event. And when I was still coming out of this disorder eating thing, I remember those days when we had stacks, will be the most anxiety ridden days that I had during that time. It was just , Oh my god, this is going to be so many calories. There’s tomatoes in the bottom, barbecue sauce, it’s nightshades, I can’t eat that. It was just, there was so many thoughts and I was just so anxious about it. But everyone else was having the fricking time of their life, because we were having stacks it’s fricking awesome. We don’t do it often, but it was just such an anxiety ridden time. So I’ve done all the things in those settings. I’ve not eaten any food. I’ve brought a vegetable [inaudible 40:25] and just eaten vegetables. So I get it. I get those people that are really stressed in those situations. But, what I typically suggest to clients is a couple of things. One bring a dish that you want to share, that works for you, and that you love. And if you’re comfortable just eating that, and that’s what you want to do when you get there, that works.

Or if you get there and you see some things that you really want to try, you can do both of those things. You can have your really nourishing dish that you know works for you, and just have pieces of some of the food that you really want to try. And just be really present in the moment and enjoy those things. Or you can, if you’re ready to just dive headfirst, just go and enjoy the food and see what happens. Again, be a student of you and focus. I think the key is to focus more on the conversations, and the people, and the community aspect, than the food. And I think that’s been so, so important for me, in general. Just focus on the conversations, rather than the food.

And of course that’s easier said than done. It’s easier for me now, but it’s taken me a while to get there, but the more you just try a bit here and there, in terms of focusing on something else, it’s going to eventually create a new pathway in your brain that, okay, this party isn’t actually scary. This is, I get to spend time with my family or my friends or whatever it is. And if I have to eat food that I wouldn’t normally eat, my stomach’s a little bit upset tomorrow. It’s okay. I had a great time and life will go on. So yes, those are a few different tactics I use it. I’ve helped put my clients through.

Sarah:   I love that you realize it and coach in a way, in a lens that everyone is different, and we’re all so unique, and our needs are different. And what we love is different and the foods that are going to support our body are different.

Molly:  Yes.

Sarah:   That’s why I think working one-on-one is probably really beautiful for you and your clients. The somebody listening today might not resonate with two of the tips you gave, but then, one tip is perfect for them. And then that’s exactly what they need to do, or are going to try. So that uniqueness I think, is so important for all of us. And I’ve seen that in my own healing as well. And, you just brought up memories for me too. I was thinking about, so I also stopped drinking alcohol last year. And I love wine, and I love social settings and that’s changed a little bit with chronic illness. But I thought, okay, none of this stuff is going to be fun anymore, because I’m not going to have a drink in front of me.

And so, I’ve still gone to social settings and just not drink, and completely surprised myself. I was, wow, this was never about the alcohol or how many glasses of wine I’m going to drink this night. It’s about connecting to these people. I was at a game night, two nights ago. And I just had a glass of water and still fully enjoyed the game. It isn’t about the food we’re eating or what we were drinking. It was just spending time with these people. So I’m glad you brought that up as well, to just shift your focus and literally rewire your brain towards, this is about connection to people. It’s not just about the food or in my case, the alcohol.

Molly:  Yes, absolutely.

Sarah:   Is there anything else you’d love to share with the audience? And also, where can they find you?

Molly:  Yes. So I think there are a couple of things that you brought up that I wanted to re-hit on. One, is that, it’s okay, food can be emotional and you can get… it’s okay. If you feel like you want a sweet to make yourself feel a little bit happy, that’s okay. But again, I think it’s important to be a student of you. Is there something else that can nourish me and I would get just as much nourishment from that? Or is this just a little bit of the icing on the cake, and that’s all I need? So I think it’s just so important to ask those questions. So I just wanted to re-hit on that. It’s okay, food is supposed to be emotional. Food is supposed to be pleasurable and those things are okay.

But I just also want to say that you’re literally exactly where you need to be, wherever you are on this journey. I think that’s one thing that has been so helpful for me. Whether it’s me building my business, or me on this food journey, or this wellness journey. It is that I’m literally exactly where I need to be. So if you’re struggling, you’re literally exactly where you need to be, and that’s okay. And it’s totally fine that you’re having a hard time. When you’ve recognized it, and you’re going to be in a different place in a month or two months, or maybe you’re going to be in the same place in a week, but no matter what, you’re exactly where you need to be. And I think that’s really important to remember if you’re struggling. That things will change over time and get better, or you might fall into one of those old patterns, but regardless, this is just a journey and you’re doing the best you can with the tools you have. So, I think that’s really important to remember.

So where can they find me? So on Instagram at Molly Kate Wellness, that is my handle. And then, my website is just www.mollykatewellness.com. So, I’m about to launch that journal freebie. So, that will be on my link tree on my Instagram soon. Hopefully, by the time this airs. Maybe that’ll maybe give me some motivation to really get it out there. I’m super excited about it. I had created some other freebies before, but I’m just super pumped about this one because I’ve gotten so much clarity from journaling recently, that I just really hope I can bring some of those clarity to some people that are in this confused space. So yes, Instagram and my website are pretty much my two main hubs, so find me there.

Sarah:   Awesome. Thank you, Molly. And I can’t wait to see that journal guide as well. We were talking about earlier, we’re so zoned into our rules and everything, it can be so helpful to zoom out. And I feel that’s exactly [inaudible 46:22] that journaling and reflecting on yourself could bring to people. So thank you again for your time today so glad to have you on.

Molly:  Yes, it was lovely. Thank you for having me..

[musical interlude]

Sarah:   Thank you so much for tuning into today’s episode. I am beyond honored to hold this space for you. To create this content for you, and to stimulate our brains and make us think in a different way, including me. This podcast has shifted the way I have thought as well. And if there’s anything that you took away from this episode or any other episode, I wouldn’t be so honored and grateful if you would share that with me on social media. Either through a personal message or put it in your Instagram story, tag, Autoimmune Tribe. And know that we’re in this together, that this is truly a community. That our paths are interwoven for a reason. And then, we get this beautiful opportunity to come together for the greater healing of all of our unique bodies. So if you love this episode or any of the other episodes of the Healing Uncensored podcast, please share them with a friend, a loved one, an acquaintance. You never, never know whose life you might be impacting or changing with just a simple share. That’s all for now Tribe. I will see you next time. Have a beautiful rest of your day. I love you so much.

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